I was awakened this morning by the irritating sound of a cat playing with something on the bedroom floor. The sound was reminiscent of a spoon clinking in an empty teacup. That is neither a sound which can be slept through nor the sound of anything a cat should be playing with, so I flopped down to the foot of the bed to peer over at the offending feline.
It was, of course, Yuki … the youngest and most irritating member of the household. She had her paws all up under the rolling rack, desperately attempting to extract something. I poked her pudgy little belly to get her attention. Naturally, this didn’t distract her at all. No, she redoubled her efforts to pull whatever she found under the rolling rack free. And then … she succeeded.
Lying on the floor, pretty as you please, was the leg belonging to my broken ceramic unicorn! The one I was certain I had accidentally thrown away!
While I am still less than thrilled about being rudely awakened from my pleasant slumber entirely too early in the day, Yuki has been awarded the distinguished honor of being Best Cat in the World.
It’s funny story time!
Last night, I was lounging in my recliner playing FFXIV, without my glasses on. If I’m doing something mind boggling repetitive in a game (ex: leveling up crafting), seeing it 100% clearly isn’t necessary. When I decided I wanted to go kill some things, I grabbed my glasses and put them on. Everything looked wrong, and I got instant vertigo. I mean, it was like they weren’t my glasses at all! I took them off, laid them on the side table, and proceeded to kill slightly blurry wolves for a few minutes. A little while later, having completely forgotten the first experience, I absentmindedly put them on again. The same thing happened. WTF!!! I immediately removed them again.
While killing a few more slightly blurry wolves, I mentally ran through all the health problems that might cause a severe and immediate change in vision. I didn’t even need to consult Dr. Google, because I’d looked it up before. The list is pretty short, and none of them are good (though a couple are not actually life threatening). You know, stuff like strokes, brain tumors, and so on. I discounted all but a migraine, though that would be an unusual migraine symptom for me. Also, I can’t recall the last migraine I had, because I just don’t really get them anymore. Therefore, I chalked it up to my eyes being tired from too much reading this week, because I do know from experience that too much reading does change my distance vision pretty dramatically. Usually not THAT dramatically, but yeah, maybe that was it. I really have been doing A LOT of reading.
A little while after that, I needed to read something on the screen, which is something I can’t comfortably do without my glasses. So I grabbed them and put them on. Surely, they’ll work this time, right? Same damn thing! Like the prescription was just completely wrong. I closed my right eye, and everything seemed fine. I closed my left eye, and HOLY HELL WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY RIGHT EYE!!! I prepared to consult Dr. Google, and began to feel just a little bit anxious. I removed my glasses so I could put on my reading glasses (yes, I still refuse to get bifocals), and as I placed them on the side table, this time something different happened. My fingers went through the area where there should be a lens! Yes, the right lens was missing!
Earlier in the day, my glasses had been on the left arm of the recliner, where I like them to be, and a certain large cat had launched himself up to the back of the chair off that arm, very nearly flinging glasses onto the floor. I was pretty sure that was when the lens went missing. So I searched the floor and surrounding environs. No lens. Therefore, I searched the deep inner recesses of the recliner. Lo and behold, my lens was found and popped back into place. I can see! I can see clearly! Well, I guess it wasn’t a stroke or brain tumor. Phew! Just an overweight cat determined to keep me from having nice things, like corrected vision.
I stumbled to the kitchen to make coffee and found the new bag of outdoor cat food, which was safely stored in a cat proofed location, had been plundered during the night. It was definitely an inside job, and I believe it was a group effort. The indoor cats have been monsters the last few days, and no I have not been ignoring their every kitty need. Spoiled is what they are.
After setting last night's last load of laundry to fluff and dewrinkle, getting the water kettle on a burner, and taping together the shredded bag of cat food, I go to the bedroom to get some coat hangers and step in ice cold cat puke. Someone had stuffed themselves with the Purina and then drank a gallon of water and left a nice gift right in front of the bathroom door (a favored cat puking location).
Then, once the laundry was put away and the delicious hot coffee had been poured into mugs, I sat down on the couch, looked to my right, and there's a small multi-colored cat hovering over my perfectly frosty giant mug of tasty water, and there's water dripping off her chin. Just stick your whole face in my water why don't you?! Jeez!
That was the first fifteen minutes of my day. Argh! Currently, the big fat grey one is passed out at my feet, the small striped one is sitting behind me tapping me repeatedly on the head with her claws out, and the somewhat fluffy black one is rolling around on the couch to my left meowing as loudly as she can. It's going to be a long day at Casa de Orb.