- My eyes have been open for less than 30 minutes, my brain caffeinated for less than 15 minutes, and already I have… https://t.co/lMU9IsvK0S 10:25:59, 2019-05-18
- I have just demanded someone drive me to the liquor store. Sure, I could drive myself, but where’s the power mad dragon queen fun in that? 15:34:22, 2019-05-18
- Now possess enough vodka, cranberry juice, club soda, and Irish cream to survive just about anything. As soon as I’… https://t.co/pNuOTbzOZT 17:57:14, 2019-05-18
- From my mouth: "I just want to scrape the earth from the street all the way to the bamboo and start fresh. Can we?… https://t.co/VTYMG9rlo2 19:34:37, 2019-05-18
- From my mouth: "I don’t want to do [thing] to take money from rubes. I want intelligent people to realize my worth and give me money." 23:57:12, 2019-05-18
- RT @MissConstrue: Samantha Bee: Sex Ed for Senators, because they clearly have no idea how the magical uterus works. https://t.co/FykJS6pjFd 00:10:59, 2019-05-17
- RT @timcarvell: Weird to suddenly discover I am “don’t care who plays Batman” years old. 00:14:40, 2019-05-17
- News programs trotting out women to proclaim how they did their part to ensure the economic and financial success o… https://t.co/yaMcxs997M 09:02:06, 2019-05-17
- Yuki is well aware of how cute she is, and she uses it at every opportunity. Who could be angry at this cute bundle… https://t.co/4GKvK4DjD2 10:29:36, 2019-05-17
- RT @jackiekcalmes: Alabama is highest among states in child mortality, 50th in child poverty and 46th in education https://t.co/WYId4HnUyo 10:30:07, 2019-05-17
- https://t.co/URSBgfqCkr 10:44:59, 2019-05-17
- Rational human beings: "We should ban assault rifles!"
Elected officials: "Banning things doesn’t work!"
- Would it be wrong to just give up on the day and go back to bed? 11:31:32, 2019-05-17
- "It reads differently" seems an odd form of apology for telling women to calm down about all the anti-woman legisla… https://t.co/JwUwVGjGi9 15:31:53, 2019-05-17
- RT @MattOswaltVA: Sally Yates – "Don't hire Flynn"
James Comey – "Don't hire Flynn"
Barack Obama – "Don't hire Flynn"
Kid mows 'Don't hire… 16:34:25, 2019-05-17
- Husband: How would you like to drive me to Houston next weekend?
Wife: I’d rather jump off a cliff actually, why? 22:32:20, 2019-05-17
- The mission I have accepted today is designing and making a reversible tie-in basket liner for a basket that is not… https://t.co/e28V4YcZ4b 12:34:38, 2019-05-16
- RT @BuzzFeedNews: This zoo put kittens in lion costumes to encourage adoption and welcome a new lion pride 🦁 https://t.co/tRhIPOhOGX 13:00:07, 2019-05-16
- Have decided to do all the sewing tomorrow, because after having done a bunch of other household things, I am now e… https://t.co/fIHgTrNwGH 14:52:50, 2019-05-16
- RT @austinfiredept: You think the photo we shared earlier was something? Wait until you see this: drone footage of the swiftwater training… 19:07:30, 2019-05-16
- Life begins at fertilization, but only if it’s inside a woman.
- RT @odam: Love getting press releases announcing first Austin location of "wildly popular" or "cult favorite" burger joint, pizza place, de… 11:55:32, 2019-05-15
- Dear fans of Daenerys: A mad, power hungry tyrant is still a tyrant, even if they are killing people you don’t mind… https://t.co/VMtXz9Prj2 12:43:02, 2019-05-15
- One wonders why the two women standing right there (or the driver) just clutched their pearls when it happened, ins… https://t.co/iqZWIjGGFw 14:11:40, 2019-05-15
- RT @TheBeatWithAri: Trump blocking Congressional oversight "moves us toward tyranny"
"President Trump seems to be on a total obstruction… 14:23:53, 2019-05-15
- I suggest we also don’t teach them the Latin alphabet. https://t.co/ktpyxPrupu 14:57:26, 2019-05-15
- People find out I have my sewing machine set up and suddenly everyone has some sewing that needs doing. Amazing how that happens. 15:19:46, 2019-05-15
- Today I remembered to get the last load of Monday laundry out of the dryer and discovered it’s actually still wet in the washing machine. 17:18:03, 2019-05-15
- I wasn’t immediately greeted by the smell of mold, so I got lucky. Washing it anew, just to be sure. Now I’m wonder… https://t.co/ILT70PKd5H in reply to JustOrb 17:53:22, 2019-05-15
- RT @SpecNewsATX: This is the moment when one of the spill gates failed at Dunlap Dam Tuesday morning in New Braunfels. Lake Dunlap is now p… 18:18:51, 2019-05-15
- RT @RepLloydDoggett: Today, I spoke again on deadly consequences of climate changes, made worse by a President who denies sound science.… 18:37:06, 2019-05-15
- I have had a surprisingly productive day. The day totally sucked, but hey, at least I got some stuff done! 18:43:54, 2019-05-15
- RT @joshmillard: If you're looking for where to help with donations in response to all the regressive reproductive health fuckery going on… 23:00:40, 2019-05-15
- Ok, I’m gonna have to admit that the guys in BTS are, in fact, kinda adorable. 23:22:52, 2019-05-15
- RT @colbertlateshow: On #LSSC tonight: History repeats itself with @bts_twt!
- Earlier, I had three lovely assistants making sure the fitted sheet didn’t run away while I was getting the flat sh… https://t.co/BbRDDzr9mQ 00:51:47, 2019-05-14
- I will openly admit to considering this as I plan what to do with the bedroom windows. The cats are going to want t… https://t.co/xVi0pqR0DJ 00:57:46, 2019-05-14
- RT @RepLloydDoggett: By honoring yet another authoritarian leader & Putin ally, Hungarian leader Victor Orban, President Trump tells us wha… 12:01:33, 2019-05-14
- Wanted to make that bias tape today, so I can finish that damn shirt, but my back is out of whack and just standing… https://t.co/VtBfegM1XA 13:13:52, 2019-05-14
- RT @AwwwwCats: Black cat and white cat https://t.co/1kqglB5hik 13:22:44, 2019-05-14
- https://t.co/aoHGsW9M1C 13:32:03, 2019-05-14
- Good thing I wasn’t planning to work on making 5 yards of bias tape this afternoon, seeing as a cat has claimed it… https://t.co/mQPtzi9FeM 13:37:53, 2019-05-14
- Good thing I wasn’t planning to work on making 5 yards of bias tape this afternoon, seeing as a cat has claimed it… https://t.co/Ke6BiD4fFh 14:50:31, 2019-05-14
- Generally, you don’t "pay homage" to someone by calling them "a mess". The New York Times needs to read a dictionar… https://t.co/NnFakdLzaZ 14:52:07, 2019-05-14
- Have managed to cut the bias strips. Now partaking of some tasty coffee. Maybe once I’m caffeinated, I’ll start in… https://t.co/3RVhsNAS53 14:53:43, 2019-05-14
- Bias tape done. Going forward, unless I absolutely must have perfectly matching bias tape (which I will not), I wil… https://t.co/LT7ZfyIevF 15:57:22, 2019-05-14
- I have had quite enough of human beings of the male variety telling me to calm down about the various draconian abo… https://t.co/Cu1BfRHxyf 23:46:31, 2019-05-14
- After taking the temperature of the internet post Game of Thrones episode 5, I feel like I’ve been watching a diffe… https://t.co/mPbmBpnVIf 00:13:39, 2019-05-13
- At least 50% of the calls from my mom are her griping about her yard guy, who mows her yard for free, not coming wh… https://t.co/qkg2AJT6Bu 14:49:26, 2019-05-13
- Um … "at least you aren’t dead" pretty much covers every bad thing that can happen in life. https://t.co/i0T2nxLMjG 16:16:37, 2019-05-13