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  • RT @BitterOldPunk: The more coffee I drink, the faster I drink coffee. It’s like bourbon but with fewer arrests for being naked in public 15:56:48, 2018-12-29
  • Why is it every time I realize I need to pee, suddenly the husband jumps up, runs to the bathroom, and hogs it for ages? Every single time. 16:34:11, 2018-12-29
  • I need to check the mail and put air in my car tires. Both of these things require going outside, where it is wet a… 16:39:47, 2018-12-29