Just after midnight Monday night, I was peacefully sitting at my desk closing up my browser tabs and preparing to shut down my computer for the night and go to bed. Without warning, the largest palmetto bug I have ever seen flew from somewhere behind me, bounced off the side of my head, ricocheted off my computer monitor, and fell onto my mousepad. I would have screamed and/or jumped back from my desk, but I was, in fact, frozen in horror until the thing ran under the monitor of my old PC. And thus began 24 hours of Flying Palmetto Bug Hell.
Once I’d regained my senses somewhat, I turned on the light in the den, attracted the attention of my bug-hunting cats, and began poking the monster from hell out of it’s hiding place. Much squealing and jumping around occurred (on my part). Eventually, it relented and zoomed out of its desk top hiding place and headed straight for one of the bookshelves. The cats, always interested in fast-moving objects, began their chase.
Alas, the nasty bug didn’t make a sound or come out of hiding again, so the cats lost interest. I’m not even entirely sure they ever actually saw the thing. It was definitely a “bogey fast mover” of the highest order. I believe they were merely reacting to me showing intense interest in that particular bookcase. Surely had they seen it, they would have never calmly gone to bed without digging it out of its hiding place and eating it, right? Anyway, the end result was that I had to go to bed and sleep knowing full well there was an extra occupant that night, and it did not make me happy.
The next morning, as Lin was sitting in the living room watching the morning news and having coffee, there came a scream of horror. I didn’t have to ask what the cause was, I recognized it as the scream of horror any human would have upon seeing such a large and obnoxious cockroach flying around a room. Lin made haste out of the living room with anything he deemed important enough to save from the invasion, and the cats and I moved in to do battle. Well, this thing was quite proficient at flying. In fact, it seemed to prefer flying to walking. Anytime I got within three feet of it, it took off bumbling around the room in mid-air the way these things do. They may fly, but they never fly well. They aren’t terribly aerodynamic. Very erratic flight paths!
After a whole lot of screaming, cursing, broom-waving, and other activity, the vicious bug flew into the kitchen and headed straight for the boxes of craft supplies under my art table. The cats followed close behind and started keeping watch waiting for some sign of where exactly it was. I retired to the bedroom with a book and my phone, because I had about enough of dodging a dive-bombing cockroach from hell for one morning. Unfortunately, the cats gave up shortly thereafter and demanded entrance into the safety of the bedroom. I let them in and then avoided the kitchen as much as possible for the rest of the day. Eeeew. It was still there somewhere!
Last night, shortly after dinner, I heard the cats thumping around in the kitchen. I went to investigate, knowing full well the damn bug had finally come out from under my art table. As I entered the hall to go to the kitchen, I stopped in my tracks when I saw all three cats sitting on the kitchen table staring at a spot over the doorway. They looked at me and meowed. I went around to the other entry to the kitchen … the one that had a light switch by it. Turning on the light, yes there it was just over the door to the hall. EEEK! I grabbed the broom and prepared to do battle and kill the thing.
But no, it did not want to die, and so we went another few rounds of flying around the room trying to smack me in the head again (and me screaming and squealing through the whole thing). The cats did their best to help, but it refused to get anywhere near cat or floor level. Eventually, it ended up in the glassware cabinet. Oh just perfect! I opened the cabinet doors, left the room, and waited. It’d come out again. It had to, right? OMG EEEEW! My glassware!
About an hour later, I heard the cats being active in the kitchen again, so I went to see what the horrible bug was up to now. Apparently, I had done it some damage when going at it with the broom, or maybe it was getting tired and just made a fatal mistake, but it had somehow ended up at floor level hiding behind the fire extinguisher. Ronin and Tora were lying in wait for it to come out. I assisted by making damn sure the nearby cabinet doors were fully closed, and then I moved the extinguisher. It ran right up the cabinet doors and wedged itself into the crevice between the kitchen counter and the lower cabinets. Well, there really wasn’t anywhere for it to go from there.
I tried to get it out with the broom, but it just wedged itself further into the crevice. Since that’s mostly at cat level, and the cats were on the job and ready to get at the thing, I moved their stool over there to give them better access, and went and sat at my desk to keep an eye on the activity. Myu lost interest quickly, but the one leg and one antenna that was visible (and moving) kept Tora and Ronin very interested. Now it probably could have stayed where it was until the cats lost interest, but for some stupid unknown big reason, it left its mostly secure hiding place and ran into the pile of plastic soda bottles for recycling.
Tora and Ronin jumped in bravely, and within short order, I saw the two of them scurry under the table, followed by the usual sounds and activities of cats playing with prey. Fighting over it really, because it would make a tasty cat snack (at least those two seem to think so). A few minutes later, all the cats were lounging in their usual locations, so I figured the ordeal was over, relaxed and went on with my life. I expected to wake up the next morning to find some leftover bug bits somewhere in the house as per the usual cat modus operandi. NOT!
As I headed to the bathroom to wash my face and get ready for bed, I noticed Ronin and Tora at the end of the hall doing something. At first, in the dark, I thought they were just clawing at the bedroom door (which I’d been keeping closed to protect at least one room from Flying Palmetto Bug Hell), but no … when I turned on the bathroom like, Tora’s hunting movements informed me quite clearly that the thing was not in fact dead and eaten. Before I could close the door to the bathroom to cut off it’s only path of escape, it dashed along the wall and slipped into the bathroom, Tora hot on it’s trail.
Unfortunately, the cats have finally been trained (mostly) to leave the bathroom trash can alone, and so once it was behind said trash can, they didn’t want to go after it anymore. That was fine my me, really. I grabbed my broom, carefully moved the trash can, and smashed the thing into the corner as hard as I possibly could. EEEEEEW … BUG GUTS! I wiped up the residue, flushed it down the toilet, and then the cats and I enjoyed a slice of turkey for a job well done. Tora got a point for the initial capture, Ronin got a point for maiming the thing, I got a point for the death blow, and I guess Myu got a point for being calm and collected under pressure … and for being cute.
I’m just glad the horrible thing from hell is dead and gone. Unless you have experienced these flying menaces, you can’t possibly know how awful they are. With our winter and spring being as mild and wet as they were, there is an overabundance of them too. We’re getting one invader a week, and with an old house like this one, there’s really no way to cut off all the possible access points without just rebuilding the whole house. Usually the cats are much more efficient at their bug killing, but I will give them some credit on this one, because it was, in fact, a very formidable opponent. Once it stopped zooming around the house dive-bombing my head, they made short work of it. Good kitties! Let’s hope it’s more than a week before I see another of these things in my house, and let’s also hope the next one isn’t as large and lively. I don’t think my heart can take another 24 hour Flying Palmetto Bug Hell.