Last night, while Lin and I were slumped in the living room doing our best couch potato impersonations, a fight broke out in the den between Ronin and Myu. Nothing too terribly new about that. There are the rare and occasional bouts of spitting, hissing, and tussling. They tend to break up and quickly as they start, and if it gets loud enough and angry-sounding enough, a human shouting “WTF?” usually ends the battle.

I’m never quite sure who starts it. They do, at least, know better than to break out into an actual fight in the same room with a human witness. By the time I get to the scene of the crime, all I ever see is cats running in opposite directions. Ronin is a big bully, and he does like to throw his expansive weight around, though Myu does seem to try to annoy him on purpose. Of course, you wouldn’t let your husky son beat up your more petite daughter just because she was touching him (or licking his head, as the case may be), so I’ve tried to impart to Ronin that beating up his sister –no matter what– is not acceptable. Though things are better now than they were last year when this started, he apparently still hasn’t clued in to just how unacceptable it is.

Last night, the first thing I heard was Myu hissing. Then the sounds of a tussle. As expected, next came the usual cat shriek from Myu. This is the point at which at least one human screams “WTF?” and things simmer down. Well, last night, it didn’t. The cat shrieking and tussling only got louder until it was evident there was a full-blown cat fight going on in the den. This lead to both available humans entering the den from opposite sides, but no cats were to be seen.

Myu was found hiding under Lin’s workbench, and she would NOT come out. Ronin was found under the kitchen table, and he was not coming out. I was mostly concerned about Myu, because she’s smaller and not at all a fighter. So I turned on the overhead light in the den to make an effort to get her out from under the workbench so I could check for physical damage. That’s what I noticed tufts of black fur wafting around the den floor.

Tufts … of … fur.

Likely needless to say, I removed Ronin from under the kitchen table and tossed him into the bedroom. He was grouchy enough about that he hissed at me and gave me a scratch on my arm for my trouble. After I closed the bedroom door, I could still hear him being grumpy behind it.

Too bad.

I then spent 15 minutes coaxing Myu out so I could check her over for bleeding or injuries. She was less than cooperative while I felt her down and looked her over, but I didn’t find any readily apparent damage. I also couldn’t find where the tufts of fur had previously resided, but there was a spot on her chest area that looked a little scruffier than usual. After I was done with her, she returned to her hiding spot.

I let Ronin stew for a few more minutes, and then I went to check on him. He wasn’t damaged either, but boy was he turning on the charm. Oh … he LOVED me and used every trick in the book to make me forget I was angry with him. Might have worked as it always does had there not been TUFTS OF MYU’S FUR on the den floor. I left him in the bedroom to stew a little longer and went back to watching TV. It was about an hour before he started scratching on the door.

The rest of the night was peaceful enough, but even though these fights are rare and occasional, they do seem to be escalating in intensity, and I am not having it. I’ve tried loud noises, time-outs, and the Water Bottle of Doom, and none of these things have had any lasting effect on the fighting. I don’t promote any sort of violence or angry actions while training animals, but I think I am going to have to escalate things myself. I used to keep the Water Bottle of Doom near me at all times when they were younger for long-distance training action. Now I guess I’ll be keeping a rolled-up grocery store sales circular handy at all times, because I even so much as see anything that looks like it’s about to become an actual fight between those two, and someone is going to get smacked on the butt.

I hate to do that, but Ronin is a very heavy, very muscular cat, and he could do some serious damage to either Myu or Tora (who he doesn’t fight with for some reason). Yanking out tufts of fur is bad enough. I do not want to have to take a cat to an emergency vet late at night, because Ronin got bent out of shape about whatever it is he gets bent out of shape about (and I’ve seen him get upset about completely stupid things, like who gets to sleep on Lin’s amp). He better get a clue, because tufts of fur on the den floor is so far beyond acceptable, he’s lucky he didn’t find himself spending the night in the carrier … or outside.

Not having it.

There’s already been hissing this morning. Hopefully, everyone will just get over themselves, because I have things to do today, and my list does not include chasing cats around the house breaking up fights.

And Tora continues to be the most wonderful, adorable, cutest, sweetest cat on the planet.