I’ve been sitting here for hours writing a post. All the insane blather about “death panels” and “euthanasia” being bantered about in the health care “debate” the last few weeks has been poking at old scars on my psyche. Painful scars acquired during the last day and night of my father’s life. I got to a point in the post where I found I couldn’t go on, so I thought I would take a break from it and clear my head. Then my mother called, and that just never makes anything better.

I may or may not finish the post I started in the wee hours of the morning. I may or may not post it. I may just keep it to myself, or I may delete it and go back to not thinking about it, though I do believe I have something to say that people need to hear concerning end-of-life care and the decisions so many people have apparently not faced in their lives … if the lunacy I hear coming out during the recent conversations about the subject is any indication. But for now, I will post the quote and link to a blog post that set off my desire to discuss the situation and my own personal run-in with end-of-life care and the health care industry.

You have no idea what it’s like to be called into a sterile conference room with a hospital administrator you’ve never met before and be told that your mother’s insurance policy will only pay for 30 days in ICU. You can’t imagine what it’s like to be advised that you need to “make some decisions,” like whether your mother should be released “HTD” which is hospital parlance for “home to die,” or if you want to pay out of pocket to keep her in the ICU another week. And when you ask how much that would cost you are given a number so impossibly large that you realize there really are no decisions to make. The decision has been made for you. “Living will” or no, it doesn’t matter. The bank account and the insurance policy have trumped any legal document.

If this isn’t a “death panel” I don’t know what is.
–Southern Beale

My father’s situation was a little different, but only because of choices I made, but never should anyone believe that financial matters didn’t play a role in is every decision I confronted, because that’s what health care is in America when you lack millions of dollars in the bank and a Cadillac insurance plan. In the end, whether someone lives or dies always seems to end up being about money.