Lin is off to work. No idea when he’ll get home, but it’ll probably be sometime near sunrise. I hate it when he’s not at home at night. It reminds me of when he was gone for work all the time. Even though he’s usually asleep by now, at least he’s here. I’ll hear him snoring or muttering in a sleepy voice to whatever cat just walked across him … or just hearing the bed covers rustle when he moves. You know, he’s here, and I’m not alone.

Not that I am a weenie about being alone. I don’t mind the alone part. It’s the “working at a dangerous location in the middle of the night after an already long day at work” part that stresses me out most. At least he isn’t hundreds of miles away. Actually, he’s just down the street about a mile. Who knows, maybe sometime tonight, if I can’t sleep, I’ll make some fresh coffee, grab my pink hardhat, and drive over and visit a while. Or not. While I am wide awake right now, because he just left, I imagine I will get sleepy at some point. I did stay up all night last night, and I only got about three hours of sleep this morning. Beneath the anxiousness is one tired Orb.

I don’t know how I got through those years when he was gone all the time and the work he was doing was consistently dangerous and fatiguing (a bad combination). I know I stressed out a lot, but at some point, I must have put it out of my mind. I did something during those years. I obviously ate, slept, cooked, did laundry, cleaned the house, sat at the computer, and likely all the same mundane things I do these days, but I don’t really remember those years at all. In fact, when I think about them, all I do remember is Lin leaving, late-night phone calls, and Lin coming home … and then Lin leaving again. My clearest memories are hugging him as soon as he got out of his truck. He always smelled of sweat and dirt and had a days-old growth of beard, and it felt good to have him home.

And now, he’s only going to be gone for a few hours, and he’s only a short distance away, and I miss him so much. I guess not hearing him snoring in the other room just brings back too many feelings from all those years he was gone more than he was home, and I don’t like those feelings. I like having Lin home at night. I’ve gotten spoiled.