If Capitol Metro wants to know why no one uses the bus system and why everyone hates the bus system, they need look no further than the bus system itself.

It was getting dark when I left the courthouse, and the bus that takes me directly home required me to walk almost a mile into a part of town I wasn’t comfy walking in alone in the dark — let alone standing around at a dark and lonely bus stop for who knows how long. So, I walk down Congress, the main street downtown and where are bus stops on every corner and a lot of buses make stops. I was just trying to find a damn bus, didn’t matter which one, that went to the North Transit Center (in my home turf and away from downtown gridlock so Lin could come get me quickly).

I walked a few blocks, and there was no route map anywhere to be found at any of the stops. Nope, just little metal signs with the various bus numbers on them. That’s great, if you know the bus routes by heart, but it does no good if you don’t. Even the route names would have helped. No schedule posted anywhere either, so no idea when or how often said mysterious buses stopped at those stops. Additionally, even though I have and do use buses often, they changed all the routes and numbers a few months ago. My bus used to be the 15/16, and now it’s the 10 and isn’t at all the same route … and there is no 15/16 anymore. So even the numbers I knew didn’t mean squat. As buses I should have had a vague idea about where they were headed pulled up, I saw the route name and knew it wasn’t going to the same places it used to. Well, I wasn’t just going to get on a random bus. There are parts of town one does not want to be a small female alone walking at night, and there are buses that head far out into the burbs with no stops. I had little idea where any of these buses went.

I call the phone number on the Cap Metro sign and get a computer voice. Instead of having a menu to press buttons to get information, it has a voice system which does no good in, say, a noisy environment like beside a bus stop on the busiest street downtown. I tried yelling “Congress Avenue” into my phone three times. It didn’t understand me, and it didn’t give me an option to speak to a human. It just kept telling me it didn’t understand and to state the street I was on clearly.

It was starting to get really dark. I feel safe on Congress at just about any hour of the day or night, but I would like to get home sometime today. I know no matter what bus I end up on, it’s going to be at least a 45 minute ride. I finally decide to be an entitled urban chick, and I make every damn bus stop at the stop I am standing at and ask each one if they are going to the NTC. I finally find one that does: the 101 Limited (as in limited stops — yeah, right). Alas, it is also a bus that goes by the university, and so it’s it packed. It was legally full when I got on. Every seat was taken, and the aisle was filled with people hanging off the straps. The driver continued to pack people in at each of these “limited” stops. I end up standing precariously in the middle of the aisle, clinging to a strap for dear life and trying not to fall over. For 20 minutes. We are nowhere near our destination. I am about to die. Even though I don’t necessarily believe that men should give up their seats for woman all the time, I did find it interesting that the seats were all full of men, and the little skinny chicks like me, most of us having bags filled with books and whatnot, were all standing and trying to hang onto things to stay upright and not fall into said men’s laps or squash each other too much.

Eventually staying upright wasn’t a problem, because we were packed in that tightly. It was like the trains in Tokyo. I kid you not. I am not an expert on the safe limits for passenger buses as they pertain to safety, but I am certain all the same that we were over the limit. Had there been a wreck or a crisis of any sort, I have no doubt there would have been injuries if not deaths. It was completely insane. At least we were moving in the general direction I wanted to go, but I did have a thought every time we stopped to just get off the damn bus.

We reached a stop just north of the university, and most of the back of the bus cleared out. I made a dash for the far back of the bus and may have stomped another small redhead getting to a seat. Age before beauty, babe! She’s just going to have to learn to be more aggressive, if she wants to ride the buses in Austin. I did feel a little sorry for her though, but … not too much. I had a seat!

At last I could get my cell phone out of my pocket, where it had been broadcasting my all-too-embarrassing Lewis Black ringtones, because everyone wanted to call me. I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t even reach my back pocket. One hand was clinging to my belongings, and my other hand was wrapped up in the strap keeping me from falling over (mostly). From henceforth, I shall either always turn off my ringtones when outside my house or change to a ringing profile that doesn’t involve Lewis Black telling me what a wonderful and beautiful person I am and how could the world get along without me so PICK UP THE PHONE ALREADY! Or Lewis Black informing me that my mother is calling and I better ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE, because she’ll only call back and bitch about it. Yeah, I love my ringtones, when I can answer them before they get loud. Not so much when I am stuck listening to them over and over with no recourse but to cringe.

Anyway, I had my seat, my phone was on silent mode, and I text messaged Lin as soon as I saw a cross street and could tell where the hell I was. At that point, I’d been on the bus for almost 40 minutes, and when we passed the feed store, I knew we were at least another 20 minutes from the NTC. But I had a seat, so suffer all you other people! OK, not so much. A lady with a baby got on and squeezed to the back of the bus, probably in hopes there was a seat or at least room to breath. I gave all the young college guys (and girls) sitting near her to offer her a seat, and no one did. Obviously, I had to do so. What would have happened had she dropped the baby when we hit a bump or came to a lurching stop?! She was so thankful, and so loud about being thankful, it’s possible some nearby seated riders were shamed into thinking about their own behavior. I certainly hope so.

As we pulled into the NTC, I got a text message from Lin saying he was there. I bolted off the bus, which was easy to do seeing as I was crushed against the door. I didn’t so much as bolt as exploded outward when the door suddenly opened. I hustled out of the way of the other exploding passengers, and looked around the parking lot. The mostly dark parking lot. I saw a large white truck that looked like Lin’s truck, and the passenger side door was open, but that was all I could see in the dark. It was the only truck I saw that looked anything like Lin’s work truck, so I started walking toward it. I got about half way there, and I still wasn’t 100% certain it was him. I considered that walking up to a strange truck with a door open in a dark parking lot was possibly not smart. Who knows, right? Weird stuff happens all the time. I call Lin as I continue walking. He doesn’t answer. He does step out of the truck and holler out to me “Why are you calling me!?” OK, it’s him. I allow myself to breath.

I finally get home, and I have to do the dishes before I can make chili for dinner. But at least I am no longer on that damn bus, something for which I am very, very thankful.

We may be wrapping things up at the courthouse tomorrow. I don’t think it’s likely, but they seem to think so. That would mean only two more bus trips, and then I can avoid the buses again for a while. And downtown … and courthouses. I’ve had just about enough of them too. Gah!