It’s going to take as long as it did for me to get ready, drive to the dentist’s office, wait at the dentist’s office, see the dentist, and get to my neighborhood Walgreens for said Walgreens to fill a prescription for Tylenol-3. What do they have to do? Air drop it from China? Or do they have to run a complete background check on me to be sure I am not some drug addict going for a quick fix.

As soon I have taken a little break to calm my nerves and drink some water … and take some damn ibuprofen … I will next be calling an oral surgeon to schedule surgery. Yes, you read that right. Flat out surgery, during which I will be put completely under and five teeth will be removed. If my friends who have been listening to me cry about my dental phobia the last few days thought I was going a little crazy, well, they haven’t seen anything yet. I already want to die, and I haven’t even set the appointment yet. I’ve never been put under before, never had any teeth pulled before (and most certainly not five at one go), and I am currently freaking right the f*ck out.

Lin is going to have to go with me. Or someone who can drive in Austin is going to have to go with me. Obviously, I am not going to be able to drive myself home from that horror. Mom isn’t going to be able to do it. It’s right downtown in a complicated section of roadways.

That Tylenol-3 better work. I’ve never taken it before, but I can’t eat, can’t sleep, and can’t drink anything other than tepid water and warm tea.

[break]

OK, just got off the phone with the oral surgeon’s office. June 3 at 9 am.

I’m going to call my mom now and have a complete mental breakdown.