Time for another Mom post which is behind the cut because, of course, it’s loooooong. :)
I told my mother, when she decided to get a Tracfone, it would be a hassle. She wanted one anyway, because she felt she needed a cell phone when she is driving somewhere further than the grocery store, which only happens twice a year. Her money and her time, so I told her to go ahead and get one. She hasn’t really had any problems with it in the two or so years she has had it, but getting her phone upgraded has been something of a chore. Naturally, this has meant daily panic attacks on her part and daily aggravation for me.
Her new phone finally activated this morning, but it appears her 1149 units of credit didn’t get transferred. I told her to call them again with all the numbers and codes and it would eventually get sorted out, and it will. Yes, having to call again is a hassle, but it certainly isn’t the end of the world either. I’m hoping that gets sorted out in the next few days, because I am seriously sick of hearing about it.
You know what else isn’t the end of the world? Not having a cell phone. My mom, who just a few days ago informed me the reason she hates making phone calls because she didn’t grow up with a phone, seems to be under the impression that if she does not have a working cell phone on Thanksgiving Day, she can’t come see us … because “what if something happened on the way!”
I will now provide you with this transcript of this morning’s phone conversation, typed up as I was talking to her:
Mom: I can’t come if I don’t have a phone! Something could happen. The car could break down!
Orb: You are driving the best car you have ever owned and it gets looked at and serviced regularly by a competent mechanic. Your car is not going to break down.
Mom: It could. You don’t know that it couldn’t.
Orb: Did you not just have whats-his-name look it over? I thought it got a clean bill of health.
Mom: Yes, but things happen!
Orb: Look. What did we do before there were cell phones? What did we do back when we drove the crappiest, most run-down cars on the planet with balding tires and engines making horrible noises? Did we not, as a family, once drive a car to the family Christmas party that required us to stop several times on an 80 mile trip in order to pack more bearing grease into the bearings to keep it going? Didn’t we once drive a car that was mostly held together with baling wire and prayers hundreds of miles to go on vacation? We didn’t have any cell phones then … or credit cards … or AAA memberships.
Mom: Well, we drove anyway. We had to. And … we broke down on the side of the road sometimes.
Orb: And what happened when we broke down?
Mom: If we were close to something, Daddy walked to get help or make a phone call. Once he had to walk seven miles. I can’t walk seven miles!
Orb: And what happened when we were on our way to a relative’s house and broke down in the middle of nowhere with no help nearby?
Mom: [silence]
Orb: When we didn’t arrive at the expected time, a search party was sent out along our route to find us. I remember quite clearly that was the way we did things and that several times we were rescued and several times we were the ones doing the rescuing. Do you not think if you didn’t show up two hours after you call to let us know you are leaving the house we wouldn’t become worried and send out a search party?
Mom: But you guys always sleep so late, and you get busy with things and you might not notice I am late! I could be sitting out there for hours.
Orb: Do you really think so little of your daughter and son-in-law that you believe we would not notice you were late and start to worry? Really?! You actually believe we wouldn’t care enough or be aware enough to come out and look for you if you didn’t show up as expected? Wow. Thanks. Nice to know all those years of being dependable, reliable, and always making sure everything and everybody was taken care of has paid off so well for me. When have I ever let you down on something important?
Mom: You haven’t come over to help me sort out this phone problem!
I immediately changed the subject, because it just really wasn’t worth following that conversation any further.
Yes, apparently, I am supposed to drive 80 miles to sit at her house, make phone calls, wait two days to see if it worked, make more phone calls, wait another two days, and on and on. At the rate this cell phone issue has been progressing, I would have had to spend two weeks there already. And you know … I can just take two weeks off from my life whenever I like to sit around making phone calls at my mother’s house. It’s not like I am actually doing anything with my time, right?
This sort of brings up another issue she and I were discussing about the oppression of women as it relates to traditional housewifery. She said that some people she encountered in her life as a wife seemed to think all she ever did was sit on the couch watching soap operas and eating bon-bons … and how angry that always made her feel, because she worked hard to keep a clean house and to feed the family good food (and so on) Yet, every time I tell her I can’t just come and spend a week (or two) at her house, because I am an important part of the functioning of my household and there are things I have to be here to do (my job as a household manager and wife), she acts exactly like those people and tells me to just come anyway, my house and life can do well enough without me. It’s as if she thinks I sit around all day every day watching soap operas and eating bon-bons! :rolleyes:
At any rate, there hasn’t been any screaming into the phone for me lately, because once I realized it just didn’t matter what I did or did not do it wasn’t going to be the right thing, there’s just not much sense in defending myself. I don’t need defending anyway. I have always balanced being a good daughter and doing what my parents wanted or needed me to do with living my own life. I have nothing at all to be ashamed about, and I am certainly not going to be ashamed I haven’t spent $50 in gasoline and two weeks of time sitting around her house making phone calls she is perfectly capable of making herself.
Then, towards the end of the conversation, there was this exchange:
Mom: If the weather is bad on Thanksgiving, you will have to come over here.
Orb: Why?
Mom: Because I am not driving in bad weather.
Orb: Well, guess what? If the weather is that bad, we aren’t driving either.
Mom: But it’s Thanksgiving! What will I do here all by myself?
Orb: Well, how would you feel if Lin and I drove in bad weather and we had a wreck and died on the way to your house?
Mom: [silence]
It’s true that I do have the Guilt-Inducing Jewish Mother Gene. I managed to avoid it blossoming into its full potential thanks to not having had any kids, but after years of guilt trips from elderly female family members on all manner of things, I am just as capable of dishing them out too. I hate doing it, but it does seem to be working with my mom. At least it tends to shut her up or make her change the subject, which is exactly how they always work on me too. I believe it’s the nature of the beast known as Guilt Trip to do just that … and to make someone feel guilty, which never really worked on me. Well, it doesn’t anymore anyway.
So, my mom is still driving me crazy, but slightly less crazy than in the past due to my just not really caring too much anymore about whatever thing it is she is shrieking at me about. Still causes some stress, but that’s what this blog is for: tension release. :lol:
I will be ever so thankful when her cell phone gets sorted out and she uses up all those units so we can finally put her on our family plan. Then we will never have to hear about it again, because the service will be good, and she won’t be paying for it or dealing with any of the hassles.
SIDE NOTE: You might have noticed earlier in the post where I mentioned that my mom’s excuse for not being able to make phone calls is because they didn’t have a phone until she was in high school. Well, they didn’t have electricity, indoor plumbing, televisions, computers or any of the other modern necessities of life either, yet somehow in the last 58 or so years, she has managed to adapt to all of them just fine. Additionally, she doesn’t seem to have any problems at all using a telephone to call me and her friends and talk for hours and hours. So, it’s not really about the phone, is it? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.
Lunch break is over. Time to go do something more constructive than sitting at the computer until the next expected phone call from Mom later today. Trust me. She’ll call again. It’s been about three hours on the phone with her every day this week, and quite frankly, that is just WAY, WAY, WAY too much.