Just got this joke in an email, and well … I just HAVE to share it right this second!

One day a man spotted an old brass lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed the dirt off of it, and a genie appeared.

“I’ll grant you your fondest wish,” the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said, “I want a spectacular job - a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do.”

“Poof!” said the genie. “You are a housewife.”

Thanks Donna! Indeed, I did laugh out loud!

Oh, and before I forget (again) … thank you Dawna for sending some more paid time to my LJ!!!

When I get my butt in gear, I really get my butt in gear!

In addition to running around north Austin and dawdling in stores for fun, as well as actually doing some needed grocery shopping and gas buying, when I got home, I was on fire for the housework. I organized some of my kitchen cabinets, and got rid of some old and broken things. I baked cookies. I got the laundry done. I washed every dirty dish in the entire house. I planned dinner and started prepping it. I played with the cats. I cleaned out the fridge. I gathered together a load of junk and tossed it in the trash bin. I did a quick once-over on the living room, so now it looks livable. I gave myself a facial. I cleaned my work desk.

Damn … I got a ton of stuff done today! Best of all? I feel fabulous! Not a jot of back pain left at all! My only complaint is that I am as tired as I should be after doing all that stuff.

I even have a plan that may help with my difficult to work in kitchen. Tomorrow, I am going to spend as much time as possible in there moving some things around. If it all works out the way I think it will, I will end up having a lot more of the work table clear for working (on food, crafts, or whatever the cats shouldn’t get into), and I will have a whole bottom cabinet of useless appliances to clear out so I can use that cabinet for something else … something useful. You see, right now, I can’t get to that cabinet without moving things, so I think it’s been opened about twice since we moved in (four years ago). I believe I can fix that problem. Though my plan will leave me with zero counter space by the sink, I think I can live with that. Maybe it will motivate me to do the dishes every night if I don’t have anywhere to set the ones that don’t fit in the sink.

I do have one problem I need solved, and maybe some of you kitchen folk will have an idea. I have a plethora of wax paper, plastic wrap, foil, and whatnot rolls, as well as plastic baggies, paper bags and other such stuff that I use all the time (like daily). I need them to be handy, and I have always kept them on top of the microwave, which worked great but isn’t going to be possible when I move the microwave over by the sink. I’ve been looking but not finding, so maybe someone has an idea, of how I can store these things in a handy way (not in a drawer or cabinet, because I just don’t have the space) … like a dispenser unit or something like that on the wall? I’m sure I could build something, but I know how that goes. It won’t get done. I guess a shelf would work, but it’d be great if it was something designed for that purpose that I could just buy and put up.

I also need to dig out one of the old bike wheels. I want to get Lin to put a hook in the ceiling over the work table so I can hang my pots and pans (or at least most of them), thereby freeing up even more cabinet space (for, um, stuff … like bento stuff and other silly gadgets). That’s a project for another time though. Tomorrow, I just want to get stuff moved around and everything wiped down.

I’m so excited with my new plan! If I weren’t so tired already, I would work on it now, because heaven knows I may wake up tomorrow and be totally unmotivated to do any such thing. But at least I have a plan … drawn up on paper and everything! It’s very exciting.

It always feels so good to have a really productive day.

The Texas State Library and Archives Commission finished an 18 month study and issued a 668 page report to announce that state departments and agencies are issuing too many reports.

It’s a non-story, but I just had to post that so I could laugh out loud publicly about it. It’s not possible to write such comedy gold merely from imagination. Reality is always far funnier.

OK, so I didn’t find any cute bento boxes. In fact, I found no bento boxes at all. I did find a bunch of really cute things I just HAD to have at the Dollar Tree.

Pooh, Tigger, and Piglet forks, knives and spoons, little plastic cocktail picks with hearts on them, two small, bear-shaped silicon baking molds, flower-shaped reuseable ice cubes, and Peep bunny bubble bottles, which I will be repurposing once the bubble stuff is gone. Grand total? $6.50. I’m tickled pink. None of it is exactly what I was looking for, but I couldn’t resist!

Alas, Lin is going to kill me all the same. You see, while I had intended to pay for these ridiculous bits of plastic with my own mad money account, Dollar Tree doesn’t take credit cards, and my bank card only works as a credit card … owing to my complete inability to remember a PIN that I didn’t assign myself. Therefore, I had to use the household account. Well, maybe he won’t notice what with the much larger charges at the HEB and the gas station. I better go integrate the new plastic junk in with the existing plastic junk already in the kitchen to “hide” it.

Orb: I have to go to the store to get coffee.

Lin: What? Do you go to the store five times a week or something?! I should get you a bicycle.

Orb: No, I only go to the store once a week, sometimes less, if I don’t forget something. We could go without coffee, if you would rather.

Lin: That would be unacceptable.

Well, no kidding. He wants his coffee every day. We are 100% out of coffee, and the boy is griping at me about going to the store to get more?! Jeez, the grocery store is only a two mile round trip. I could go every day and not even use a gallon of gasoline. I know the stuff is expensive, but it’s not quite that prohibitively expensive yet!

Good thing I didn’t mention I was have a ten mile round trip planned today to hunt for bento boxes. He might have really flipped his gourd!

I’ve decided to wait to leave the house until the stores up on Parmer are open and to head up there first, then stop at the grocery store to get the few things I need to get (beverages and more beverages), bring those home and do the housework, and if I have time (and haven’t found anything at the other places) run over to Target and Big Lots later this afternoon, since they are just around the corner.

I think I’ll do the dishes while I wait for the sun to come up and the day to get started. That’ll give me a jump start on the housework!

Aren’t you glad my back is well enough to allow me to sit at the computer and babble about the completely boring and mundane aspects of my life?

I woke up before my alarm went off, which isn’t surprising considering I was in bed for three-ish days. I turned on the computer, and it was trying to tell me that the clocks changed last night. That gave me a moment of panic, because what the hell was I going to do with myself for an extra hour at 4:30 am? I verified that the time doesn’t change until next weekend, so my computer was just being stupid. You’d think Apple might have bothered to change the automatic settings for Daylight Savings time during one of the many updates to the OS they put out a few months ago.

Lin’s lunch is made (chicken and turkey sandwich on homemade bread, cucumber spears, and PBJ on store-bought bread — it’s what the man says he wants). Lin’s coffee is made. The trash is out. The cats are fed. I am wide awake. Good thing, I guess, since I need to go get coffee, Dr Pepper, tea, and chocolate chips. I think I’ll go do that as soon as Lin is out of the house, because I would like to leave the house and go do something fun today. Fun … like go on another bento box search. I’m going to check at the Target and Big Lots closest to my house, and if I don’t find anything, I may drive up to Parmer Lane to go to the Dollar Tree and Big Lots up there. I may also stop at Hobby Lobby and buy that canvas I keep meaning to go buy too.

Once I have had some time away from the house goofing off, I then need to come home and clean out the fridge. I have a collection of science experiments that really need to go out now. Lin may want nothing but sandwiches for his lunches, but he needs to eat something better than just that all the time, so I have to get organized for making lunches. Besides, the fridge is trashed. I spilled cornmeal the other day in the fridge, and now it’s everywhere in there. Provided I still have the energy and haven’t made my back hurt again by the time I get these things done, I might even do some organizing of the kitchen cabinets. They’ve gotten all jumbled again too.

I am such a disorganized person. It’s a sign of a creative mind, right? Well, that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

Lin’s alarm is going off, so I better go turn on the morning news and start getting him moving. I better get dressed too, if I am going to walk him out to the truck. It’s a little chilly out there this morning. Too chilly to be walking around in my nightclothes!

And my back? One tiny little tender spot that gives me a wee little pinch when I twist to the left. Other than that, it feels as good as new. Completely weird the way it hurt oh so very badly I wanted to die and then a few days later it feels just fine again. I am not complaining about that. I am quite thankful it doesn’t hurt anymore. It’s just that usually when my back gives me grief, it takes longer than that for it to return to normal. Maybe all that yoga is paying off.

Speaking of the yoga, I’m going to give it another day, maybe two, before I do any, but damn do I miss it. I am so addicted to the yoga.

I wanted to catch up on showing off food. Life isn’t right when I haven’t at least tried to tempt you with some tasty photos.

This is the dinner I made the first night my back was screwed up. Yes, it looks a little complicated. It wasn’t, because I already had all the stuff cut up and ready to go. Thank heavens. We would have starved otherwise. It’s chopped pork cutlets, mushrooms and miniature eggplants fried in olive oil with a variety of Italian seasonings, served on mixed fettuccine, with … a garden salad bedecked with cute little elephant cheese slices. I found my tiny cookie cutters!

Here’s Sunday night’s chow, all of it from the freezer, because I still did not feel like standing around cutting, chopping and cooking. Beans, rice, sauerkraut and cocktail wieners. And, of course, three little bears cheese slices, just because I could.

Time for bed. I have to leave the house tomorrow, whether I feel like it or not. We are out of coffee and Dr Pepper. It’s a tragedy.

I finally am able to sit at the computer without wanting to kill myself to escape the pain. My back still hurts, but it has all pulled together into one really tender spot, and as long as I don’t lean against that spot or twist at all, I almost feel normal. As bad as it felt the first two days, I was afraid I might have to go see someone about it. I am ever so thankful it appears to be healing up on its own.

So what happened to get my back in such a state? Bottom line was I simply over-did things. Picked too many pecans. Carried too many groceries. Did too much yoga. I do that all too often … just do too much stuff. Usually that doesn’t end with me having to spend three days in bed not moving, but then, I am not exactly in my twenties anymore either. I need to start paying attention to when my body says to stop BEFORE it gets really bad. I knew earlier last week my back was getting ouchy, but I didn’t slow down. So my body put a stop to it by landing my unmovable form in bed. Serves me right.

The funny thing is I didn’t know I could possibly sleep so much. There just isn’t much to do in the bedroom. I tried reading. I tried doing some sketches. I tried listening to talk radio. I played with the cats as much as a person possibly can. In the end, I just ended up sleeping the days away, because at least when I was asleep, I was not aware that my back felt like it was being stabbed repeatedly by ice picks. I think I have officially caught up on my backlog of sleep.

The bummer is I missed a family event, I missed seeing someone I haven’t seen since college, I missed a concert I really wanted to go to, and I missed just living life. All of these things really suck, but there really wasn’t any choice unless I wanted to be wheeled around in a bed. Standing and sitting were just not possible, and forget walking. Oh well, life goes on, and since I always think things happen as they should for some universal reason, I am going to tell myself that if I had been meant to do these things, I would have been able to. That doesn’t mean I am not whining about missing out on some fun, but what to do? Crawl around on all fours? Not likely. There will be more fun to be had in the future.

My only goal today is to do the dishes, make dinner, and convince Lin to take the kitchen trash out for me. Thankfully, I have pre-cooked foods in the freezer, so no actual cooking is going to be required. Sometimes my haphazard planning ahead pays off. Tonight it’s going to be beans, sauerkraut, sausage, and salad for din-din. I can taste it already!

Here’s hoping my back feels even better tomorrow. I would really like to get out of the house a while and as far from the boring, boring bedroom I have been trapped in as I can possibly get … like to Highland Mall and the Sanrio store.

Just a reminder: I have a Livejournal, upon which I make audio posts when I feel like it … or when I can’t make posts at my web site. My back is really, really, really fully screwed up in a really, really, really bad way. I will likely not be sitting at the computer today. If I have anything to say, it will be over there in audio format, which isn’t to say I will have anything other to say than this:

There are no comfortable positions. Of all the physical pains I have ever felt in my entire life, and there have been some doozies of injuries, this back pain I am feeling now is by far the worst pain I have ever experienced.

Today at the store, I wanted to buy some canned tuna. I thought it would be nice to make some tuna salad or patties for one of Lin’s lunches, and I am missing tuna. There is no such thing, at least at my store, as canned tuna that is a product of the USA. It seems that all canned tuna is a product of Thailand or Korea. Some of the larger name brands didn’t even bother to mention where the tuna was caught and processed but merely said “distributed by” which means it probably came from Thailand or Korea too. Even the expensive and fancy “organic” tuna was from Thailand, which is a moot point anyway, because there is no such designation as “organic” for seafood. Did you know that? I didn’t until I got home and started doing some research.

As it turns out, the EPA and FDA decided not to include seafood in the organic food regulations because of the near impossible nature of being able to tell if it is, in fact, organic. Keep that in mind the next time you see any sort of seafood claiming to be organic. They can say it on the package all they want, even if it isn’t at all organic or any different from any other tuna. The only thing they can’t do is use the official organic seal. Like I said, keep this in mind: there is no organic designation for seafood. Those companies claiming such are just scamming you out of extra money (Central Market, I am looking at you). You might as well just buy the cheap two-cans-for-a-dollar kind. It is probably as “organic” as the fancy stuff that costs three times as much.

I didn’t buy any tuna at all.

Food packaging in general is so misleading. It is no surprise to me that many people either don’t understand it all or don’t even bother trying to understand it. Let’s look at the small loaf of bread I bought today.

It has all the proper catch-words: healthy, low-fat, low-sodium, low-calorie, etc. The ingredients came closest to what I would expect and want to find in bread (no high fructose corn syrup, for example), so I tossed it in the basket. To me, the rest of the marketing messages on the package mean next to nothing, because in reality it’s all bull shit anyway. When I got it home and sat down to actually look at it, well of course it’s going to have half the calories of other breads (as the packaging proclaimed in large letters)! The slices are half as thick! Our product has half the calories of this other similar product! Buy ours! Oh yeah, we accomplished that by making each serving half the size of the other product’s serving! See what I mean about misleading packaging?

I was weak today and bought some non-organic veggies. The way my back has been feeling, I just don’t know if I am going to feel like going all the way to the market on Saturday and carrying around a bunch of produce in the cold wind. Considering the last few weeks, I can’t even be sure there’s going to be any produce at the market anyway. The last few weeks have been pretty dismal. I did score some organic potatoes and grapes at HEB, but I bought out-of-season and totally manufactured for store sale tomatoes. What can I say? I miss the salads, and I wanted to eat something red that wasn’t a pepper. I also bought some onions and mushrooms, because those were the only other two things I needed, so might as well get them too.

I don’t feel bad about buying non-organic and mostly non-local foodstuffs today. Like I have said before, we are just trying to eat better and be a little more environmentally aware of how our food gets to us. We are not becoming fanatics about it. I do the best I can under whatever circumstances I am handed. Right now those circumstances are limited locally grown organic foods due to growing seasons and my near inability to walk or even stand. We are still eating much better than we used to, and next week when I am back to my feisty and hyperactive self, I’m sure I will have no problems going to the market and stocking up on the good stuff.

Lin is going to be very late getting home for dinner tonight. They are trying to finish up one crucial part of a project. Even though I ate lunch today, I am starving again. Hope he gets home soon! I have everything ready to cook, so it will only take me a few minutes to throw it all together, and I am ready to start throwing! My tummy is grumbling.