“Fox Religion Correspondent.”

I’ve been exposing myself to the 24 hour news channels. The only time I can force myself to do that is when there is some huge national emergency or terrible disaster. And by “national emergency or terrible disaster” I do not mean Paris Hilton being hauled away in handcuffs, a high speed police chase in another town or state, or a major sports star being involved in dog fighting. I don’t even turn on the TV news to listen to the President speak. The only thing that matters anyway is the official transcript, so I read them instead. Unless it’s a famous building getting blown up, a town-destroying hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico, a bridge falling down, or something else of that ilk, it isn’t something that requires me to tolerate listening to the bobbing talking heads on the 24 hour news channels.

I don’t sit on any one channel for too long, because it would drive me insane to have to pay attention to what they are saying. All I want is the video feed and eyewitness reports. The talking heads don’t give me nearly as much information as those two things do, and for that, the TV is a much better media source than the internet. As I flip through them, occasionally, I feel myself being sucked in to what the morons are actually saying. “Fox Religion Correspondent” was the last thing I heard before I switched back to the Comedy Channel. What the hell does a news station need with a religion corespondent?

Does anyone remember what the news was like before the 24 hour news channels? Before cable? Before color TVs outnumbered black-and-white ones and a 19″ screen was a big TV? I do, and boy do I miss those days.

Sure, we may have only had two, maybe three or four, channels, depending on the size and location of the nearest urban areas … and the geography, weather, the size of your roof-top antenna and the careful placement of the rabbit ears … and we may have only gotten news reports two or three times a day, but the talking heads sitting at the desks didn’t go too overboard trying to be witty, charming, entertaining, or amusing, and they never EVER had an opinion on the news they were reading on the air. The news director handed them the news, and they read it with as much composure and speaking skill they had, and there were no religion correspondents. There was a weatherman and a sports guy, and maybe one or two people behind the desk in the studio. There were maybe two camera crews they could send out into the field … if it was a bigger city. There were no flashing graphics, catchy phrases, a perpetually scrolling ticker at the bottom of the screen, or glittery and expansive sets. There were people, reading you the news.

Sometimes the weatherman or the sports guy was also one of the two people who sat at the studio desk too. And while there was some playful banter as they all passed each other the camera for the various sections of the news program, it wasn’t lengthy minutes of living room chatter between news stories. They didn’t have 24 hours to fill, their time was precious, so they had to be efficient in their communication of the important events of the day. They didn’t have time to ruminate at length with their co-workers or have opinionated discussions about stories they were reporting or what they had for breakfast and how their kid is doing in school.

And they most certainly had no need of a religion correspondent…

I would love to go on, but I did not get a nap today, and I could have really used one. I’ve got more to say about the way TV news was then, how it is now, and what we should do about it, but the brain isn’t communicating so well with the fingers. When I start having to hit the backspace key to correct typos more often than I am hitting letter keys to make words, it means it’s time to go find a comfy horizontal position and close my eyes.

But really … a Fox Religion Correspondent?! What the hell is this shit we call TV news? If this had been an audio post, all you would have heard was me sputtering incoherently, punctuated with curse words. Good thing I sat at the computer rather than grab the cell phone, huh? I make much more sense when I use my words. At least I hope I do.