Orb: My mission is to save the world.

Lin: Then I guess I’m saving the cheerleader.

Lin and I do our best talking in the truck on our way somewhere. The longer the drive, the better the talking. That quote is the tail-end of a conversation we were having Monday about Life Purposes. Not the metaphysical, religious, god-given destiny sort of purpose or mission, but rather that one thing you most want to do with your life … the thing that would allow you to look back from your deathbed and feel a sense of completion and accomplishment. That one thing to be your legacy, that thing you would always be known for as long as people are interested in knowing about you. Though I suppose the argument could be made this idea, this one thing you want most to accomplish, could be planted there by god or some other universal consciousness is a completely valid one. I wouldn’t disagree. It very well could be a god-given destiny. Though you’d think if god was handing out the life missions, there would be a whole lot more success and grand achievements.

Am I making any sense? No? Then let me continue. I’m sure I can become even more incomprehensible.

Many people have things they see as their grand dream or life purpose. Many people don’t, and they wake up each day, go to work, and come home to their family with no thought of it … and they are probably the happiest of the lot of us. The rest of is want to be actors and singers and computer programmers and artists and doctors and activists and so on. We go out and we try to succeed and make this become reality. Many of us fail. Doesn’t everyone know at least one person who won’t let go of the fact they really wanted to be or do something and they failed? The problem is these people usually don’t replace the failed mission with a new one. Some of them go on to join the ranks of the blissfully uncaring. Some of them stop time at that point and cry about it until they die. Some eventually wake up and go out to find a new reason to be alive.

I took the “cry about it until they die” route first … that very first time the thing I most wanted to be and do was, quite bluntly, taken from me in a storm of betrayal and jealousy. Had I been older, I might have bounced back, pressed on anyway, and achieved some measure of success. But I was young, and when you are young, your depth of wisdom and resources are slim, and so you wallow. Eventually, I gave myself a new mission in life. There have been many of them really. Some I have failed at because I actually couldn’t do it physically, mentally or spiritually. Just wasn’t in me. Some I have failed at because I just didn’t try hard enough, but I tend to lump those times into the classification of having changed my mind … realizing it just wasn’t the path I wanted to be on. It’s OK to make mistakes. The options have to be explored, or you may never find that one thing you want to be or do, even if you are frantically searching for it.

I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the line, I decided I wanted to save the world. Yes, the whole world and everyone on it. Not in the “go to heaven” free card sort of saving, but rather the “everyone living in peace and harmony with enough of everything so no one is miserable” sort of way. I have somehow managed to avoid developing a Messiah Complex, but that’s likely because I know I will fail to achieve this lofty goal. Doesn’t stop me from wanting to save the world, and it wouldn’t stop me from trying, if I could see a way for one petite female in the middle of Texas to actually accomplish it. Failure, though, is a given, I think.

I can’t think of anything else to say. Seems an odd place to leave off on what I think is an odd post. There really was something I wanted to say, and I don’t think I have said it. Whatever it was, it’s gone now.