I’m about to get dressed and go to Souper Salad to pick up some dinner, but this just popped up on my newsreader, and I just HAVE to share it.

ANKENY, Iowa - Several classrooms at Des Moines Area Community College were evacuated after college officials became nervous about a suspicious package.

College officials called police and postal inspectors after the box was delivered Thursday. What they found inside wasn’t a bomb — it was a box containing 500 condoms.

The package was sent to a teacher of a human sexuality class, and was sent by a person who had been a previous speaker at the class, said Rob Denson, the college’s president.
–source

Do we live in a culture of fear or what?! Someone you have met before and likely still remember sends you a package (of condoms), and it leads to a freak-out?! What in the world made them think it was a bomb? I guess the next time someone I know sends me something in a box, I better have it exploded first, just to be sure.

I guess I remember more about manual camera settings than I thought I did. Only two photos didn’t turn out. Most of them were totally boring, but they looked good!

Here’s the most interesting one of my iPod-wearing lawn-mowing husband. Look at those WHITE LEGS!!!!

Now that I have finished making a filtered post full of griping, let’s talk about something fun: cats and husbands.

This morning, after Lin got off to work, I decided since there wasn’t anything pressing I needed to do, and the things I needed to do I didn’t feel like doing, I was going to go back to bed and sleep for a few more hours. While in that hazy period between wake and sleep when I am still aware of noises around me but not quite aware enough to pay attention to them, I kept hearing a very annoying noise … like fingernails on a blackboard. For about five minutes, that noise seeped into my slowly fading brain and got turned into all manner of images, ideas and whatnot, the way a brain does when it’s mostly asleep and it hears something. Eventually though, the annoying noise got loud enough and bothersome enough that the little part of my brain that was still aware of the world kicked the sleeping part of my brain and told it to get up and investigate. It was obvious the noise was being created by a cat taking part in what could only be assumed to be a truly unauthorized cat activity.

I sit up in bed and look into the hall. I see Myu sitting and staring into the bathroom. OK, the guilty party and location had been ascertained. Ronin was doing something in the bathroom. My first attempt to handle the situation involved screaming “Ronin, what the hell are you doing?!” Silence fell in the bathroom. It remained silent long enough, I figured that was it and laid back down to snooze some more.

I had no more than closed my eyes when the fingernails on blackboard sound started again. I quietly and calmly crawled out of bed, crept to the hall, and looked in the bathroom. All was silent. I looked in the direction of the mirror first, because Ronin has a thing about clawing at mirrors. Nope. No cat there. I looked in the direction of the shower, because cat claws on plastic shower might make that sound. Nope. No cat there. Then a bit of movement caught my eye … a flick of the end of a cat’s tail. I looked in the direction of the part of the bathroom window that can be seen from behind the shower, and there, to my amazement was a cat.

He wasn’t sitting in the window, because there’s no sill at all and thus no room for a cat. He wasn’t even hanging on the wall by the tips of his claws on the lip of the window, which I have seen him do before. No, like a rock climber, he was all the way at the top of the window, having braced his back again the window frame and his paws against the wall of the shower … he had been slowly crawling his way up the window (and making an awful racket too). Have you ever crawled up a tight place by bracing your back against one side and using your arms and legs on the opposing side? If you have seen the Matrix movie where the good guys are crawling down the inside of a bathroom wet wall, or if you have done any rock climbing or cave exploring, you will know what I mean. I have seen many people do this maneuver, but I have never, not once, known a cat to do it. It seems rather un-catlike. I went to get the camera, but just as I snapped the photo, he fell ungracefully into the litter box. I wish I could have gotten that photo. It was the funniest thing I have seen in a while, especially because of the stupid little big-eyed innocent face he was wearing.

I’m going to start keeping my camera right near me at all times. Now that he knows he can do that, I am certain he will do it again, and I have to get a photo of it.

The other funny thing is that when Lin got home, he asked if he could borrow my iPod to listen to these three songs he is trying to learn on the guitar. Well, no, for three songs and for use outside while doing yard work, he cannot borrow my pricey and pristine Ipod. I loaded the songs on the my iPod Shuffle, showed him how to use it, and told him he could have it and load it off my computer with anything he wanted whenever he wanted. I am now an iPod widow. He has declared iPods to be “cool” and “sounding really great.” Yeah, well … been telling him that for years! As soon as he put the earbuds in his ears, I was tuned out. He’s been listening to the same three songs for hours. At the moment, he is zooming around the yard on the mower jamming away to his favorite three songs. He’s even dancing in his seat and singing out loud. I guess we are running with the plan to out-crazy the crazy neighbors.

I’ve tried to give him the Shuffle since the day he gave me the video iPod. It’s great, but when I can carrying my entire collection of favorite tunes with me at all times, I really don’t need to use the Shuffle anymore, and I thought it might be nice for those times at work when he wants to tune people out or when doing yard work. He said he didn’t need it and wouldn’t use it. Now he’s addicted, and I bet you he will end up wanting something with enough room to put all his favorite albums on before long. You watch. Then he’ll want his own Mac. Mark my words.

I played around with the manual shutter and aperture settings on my camera. Going to see how those turned out. What I remember about f-stops and shutters settings would fit on the head of a pin. I don’t expect any of the photos to turn out at all. There’s optimism for you!

How does one select a digital piano/synth/electronic keyboard? I’m totally out of my element. Even after a few hours today of reading and trying to figure out what it is I even want, I am no more enlightened than I was before.

Here’s what I think I want:

I would like there to be as many actual keys as possible. 88 would be wonderful, but I might be convinced to settle for a few fewer octaves, but not too few.

I want the piano to sound like a piano, but I also want to be able to play a multitude of “voices” like strings, drums, and whatnot.

I would like to be able to program it to play multiple voices at the same time so I could, say, have a drum track and maybe a strings track playing while I play a piano lead. Is this even possible?

I would like to be able to plug it into my computer, though I am not yet 100% certain I know what benefits that brings. This is where I really don’t understand what the articles I have been reading are talking about. I am out of my element, but this seems to be a feature that many others insist on. Maybe I should too?

It needs to be a playable instrument without being plugged into my computer. Some aren’t, and I am not 100% clear on what the differences are. Yes, call me stupid. Can I do composing on the computer and then transfer it to the keyboard for later performance away from the computer? That would be cool.

It needs to not weigh a ton. I have to be able to carry it. A few of the ones I have seen weigh as much as our TV, which means they weigh almost as much as I do.

It needs to not cost a zillion dollars. I’m thinking of spending something in the range of $500 (or less — less is always better).

And maybe there are things I would like to have or should have but don’t even know about.

Basically, I need a keyboard that will allow one person with a keyboard (and computer) and one person with a guitar to play music that is potentially stage presentable. You know, full, rich, vibrant and not dinky, I don’t know, cheap sounding. This has nothing to do with abilities, because I am going to suck at it for a long time, not having played piano in ages, but when I play a C chord, I want it to sound good. Does that make sense? Maybe not.

Anyone out there with a clue? Help? Please?

I think I know someone I could email to ask these stupid, stupid questions, but we haven’t talked in ages, and I know he’s probably super busy with his musical career. I’d prefer to at least have something of a clue before I start bothering people with emails full of silly questions. I also want to ask at the local Guitar Center, but I don’t know that they have sales people who are knowledgeable enough to help (though they might) since I don’t know what the hell I am talking about yet. I mean, I’m sure if I walked in with a list of things I want in a keyboard, they’d be able to point me at the ones that fill my needs, but right now, I don’t even know what my needs are. Boy, do I feel dumb!

And now I have something of a headache from reading a bunch of lingo and technical stuff I don’t really understand. Time for some aspirin and maybe bed.

Last night at Shady Grove was great fun! By the time we got there, the restaurant parking lot was full and the place was over-flowing with people. We managed to find a parking space on the road behind it, but we had to walk and walk and walk to get back to the restaurant. It reminded me why I love those sandals. I can slip them right off and walk barefooted, which I did for most of the trek. Since everyone was crammed into the outside area listening to Patrice Pike (who totally rocks), we got a table inside to grab something to eat. Lin ordered a huge chili cheese hot dog (really huge) and I got half a Hippie Sandwich and a big salad. Here’s a Hippie Sandwich:

Grilled eggplant, oven-roasted bell peppers, zucchini, mushrooms, arugula, tomato & mozzarella cheese served on our famous Hippie Bread w/ pesto mayonnaise.

So yummy, but I am glad I only got half on one. A whole one would have never fit in my stomach! It was so funny, as Lin was finishing up his chili dog, he asked me if I wanted a bit or two. I said no, and he gave me a silly look and said “But you haven’t had any meat at all!” Yes, my husband hasn’t yet discovered that it’s possible to eat an entire meal that contains no meat at all.

After eating, we ordered some fresh drinks and headed out into the crowd. It was really crowded, so we ended up standing in the back a ways, which was fine with me. I’m not so thrilled about being in tight crowds of people. We could hear the music just fine, and I could see the stage somewhat. We moved around a little as the crowd thinned out so we could see Patrice better. She’s such a cutie when she’s performing and has a really fun, energetic stage presence. We cut out as the last song started to avoid the mad rush of people leaving, and we found the shortcut through the parking lot to the road we were parked on. It wasn’t TOO much of a shortcut but far better than the route we had walked to get there. … at least two blocks shorter.

Then we got home, watched The Daily Show and Colbert Report, and both of us fell asleep in the living room. I don’t know what time I moved to the bedroom, but it was late and I was STILL woozy. I am just not much of a drinker anymore if two margaritas can knock me on my butt! When I got up this morning, I even had a bit of a hangover, so I went ahead and slept most of the day. Thankfully, the cats thought that was a great idea too and didn’t feel like being little terrors like they were yesterday. The best cure for a hangover is two aspirin, a large glass of water, and sleeping it off. At least that’s what works best for me.

We used to go to Shady Grove from time to time when we lived on that side of town, and I had forgotten what a great laid-back place it was. Now I want to go back again, but I want to get there early enough to land a space in the parking lot. The pre-dinner hike was just a bit too much. There is much to be said for relaxing evenings spent sitting on a patio listening to good music in the company of your best friend (my hubby). We both agreed that events like this are what make Austin so great to live in. You can go just about anywhere in town and find some excellent live music being played and good food and drink being served … and the weather this time of year is perfect for being outdoors at night. I really can’t imagine living anywhere else.

Oh, and the highlights of the evening aside from good food, drinks, and music? Being hit on by an attractive older woman (which gave me a bit of an ego boost) and Lin telling me I should start researching which electronic keyboard I might want to buy (because he wants us to start playing music together).

I took a few photos, but my camera wasn’t up to the lighting conditions. This was the best photo of the night (other than a shot of Lin and I which I will post at some point). I was a little disappointed, but in the end, I really like this photo. It pretty well sums up the night at Shady Grove.

Had great time. I’ll tell you more about after some sleep. Apparently my alcohol tolerance level is now at two small (but strong) margaritas with Chambord shots floated on top over the course of an evening after a large meal (I had the half a Hippie Sandwich with a side salad). Or maybe my extreme need to be in comfortable clothing and lying horizontally in a dark room with my eyes closed is due to the … what … eight or so block I walked in “girly” shoes tonight.

I knew I should have worn the black tennis shoes. Girly shoes suck for walking long distances on pavement!!! My feet may never forgive me.

Oh yeah, click the photo to see it larger, if you want to. I gotta go to bed. Orb is toasted.

I’m all dressed and ready to go out tonight, and since my hair and body seem to be looking better than usual, I thought a vanity photo was in order. When I feel cute, I feel the need to show off. Vanity is my name!

Get a good look at the long hair. I think it may be going soon. While Lin hasn’t commanded me to never cut my hair, I know he really likes the long hair, but it makes me crazy. A few nights ago he said I should go get it cut anyway I want to, and now I am starting to think about how I would like it cut. I’ll probably start out with some sort of longer style, but you know secretly I want to go back to my chin-length bob. It looks good on me and it’s so easy to take care of too. And bangs. I know older women aren’t “supposed” to wear bangs, but screw that. I like bangs. I have a long and narrow face, and the bangs make my face look more round and full. Besides, they are excellent camouflage for those forehead wrinkles I have had since birth (not kidding, really … creases in my forehead my whole life).

I wasn’t so excited about going out to a concert tonight until I found out that Shady Grove is a patio restaurant downtown and not where I thought it was (a patio nightclub called The Backyard). That means we get to eat out tonight! In a real restaurant! Woo hoo! That just doesn’t happen all that often since Buffet Palace burnt down. So now I can’t wait to go. Hopefully Lin won’t be too late getting home from work and we will quickly find a parking space and there won’t be a huge crowd of people. All of these things will go wrong, because they always do, but I don’t care. I already have a mushroom burger on my mind … or maybe a veggie sandwich … or something else I haven’t considered yet, like a big huge salad.

And today I discovered that while the cats have no fear of feet wearing tennis shoes, flip flops or no shoes at all, they do have what I would call an extreme case of Kitten Terror over feet wearing heeled sandals. Yes, I have actually put girly shoes on my feet, and at the sound of the very first “clop” of heel on hardwood flooring, there were kittens fleeing in all directions. In fact, they utterly refuse to be in the same room as my now be-heeled feet. I think they are currently hiding under the bed. I’m sure it’s quite odd for them, the clopping and loud walking sounds, because I haven’t worn heels in a long time … certainly since before they arrived in this household.

Well, they better get used to it. I’ve been working on making my feet pretty (persons who go barefoot all the time like I do have healthy feet but not so pretty), and I have decided I want to start being a little more girly again on a daily basis. Though my feet may not agree with that. Currently my feet are demanding I come to my senses and put on my black tennies. I will refuse. I own hundreds of pairs of very nice shoes, and almost all of them are of the girly variety. It’s time to start wearing them again. In fact, I have been feeling the urge to get some new sandals for this summer. I am hoping to find some more just like the ones in the above photo in some different colors. I love those sandals. I had forgotten how much I love those sandals. My feet will also just have to get used to it.

Lin should be here any minute, so I better go get my purse things together (yeah, carrying a purse tonight too — high levels of girly activity going on tonight). We’ll need to run out the door as soon as he changes clothes and washes his face. Can’t wait! The music is going to be great and I am STARVING, so the eating out is going to be great too!

And as you can see, the obnoxiously bright hair color has faded to … you guessed it … almost my natural color minus the grey. I think I’ll go even brighter red next time.

Over the last few days, the kittens had lulled me into a secure state of well-being about their mental stability. “They are such wonderful kitties,” I exclaimed. “They have finally calmed down, and now they are the best kitties on the planet!” For almost an entire week, they barely got underfoot, didn’t tear around the house once like maniacal hellions, and they were affectionate and well-behaved. Yes, my kittens were model kittens for an entire five days.

This morning at approximately 8 am, it became clear to me this good behavior was all part of an evil kitten plot to lull me into a state of quasi-bliss, and then lose their minds on a scale previously unknown since they came to live with us. I imagine the conversation between them early this morning went something like this:

“Today is the day, Myu. Mommy was up late last night, so she’s going to be tired, and after she makes the awful grinding noise in the kitchen this morning, she will go back to bed. We have done an excellent job of convincing her we aren’t the wild monsters we’d been previously. She will never expect the Kitten Inquisition!”

“And we strike as soon as he is back in bed, right?”

“Yes, that’s when we strike. You run around the house and knock down all the chairs and anything you can reach on a shelf. Meanwhile, I will begin an all-out assault on the bedroom closet door.”

“What do we do once she gets out of bed and grabs the Water Bottle of Doom?! You know she will!”

“Just run around the house as fast as you can leaping from furniture and skidding around corners. You know she can’t catch us when we run as fast as we can! Be sure to meow loudly while doing so, and take a moment now and then to shred anything prone to ripping and tearing and claw at any closed door. That way, even if she locks herself in the bedroom, she can’t help but hear our attack.”

“It’s an excellent plan, Ronin. You are my hero! Let’s go!”

Yes, that’s how I imagine their conversation went right before they both lost their little walnut-sized minds and started bouncing off the walls.

An hour and a half of flying, meowing kittens tearing around the house and destroying anything in sight has definitely slapped any ideas that I have normal kitties right out of my head. No, these kitties are completely mental … and devious. Even Ronin was making loud vocalizations this morning while storming around trying to literally climb the walls, though I would hardly call them meows. More like grunts, really … and damn can Myu belt one out when she wants to!

They seem to have worn themselves out now, so I may attempt to go back to bed. I was up late last night. I am tired. I think Lin and I may be going to a concert at Shady Grove this evening, and I’d like to not look and feel like death frozen over. Here’s hoping the brats decide to let me get a few more hours of sleep.

Nope. Not happening yet. No sleep for the weary Orb. The kittens have now entered the quiet destruction stage of their plan that involved slinking around silently and chewing things. Ugh. Where’s the Water Bottle of Doom?!

To deal with the recent influx of comment spam that has been somehow finding its way through all my other protections, commenting on posts older than 30 days will be closed automagically. I may adjust that to a shorter period of time, but at the moment, they all seem to be hitting really old posts. I’m just sick of having to delete the three or so spammy comments I find that got posted every time I sit at my computer. We’ll see how this goes.

The rest of my day has been crappy, and so I am going to go make dinner and not dwell on it. I’m hungry, and that’s all that matters right this moment.

I have deprived my cats of a very important life lesson, and thus I am paying the price. My cats have no idea about the dangerous nature of the human foot in motion, and it is all my fault. Well, Lin has to take some blame too, I guess. He’s just as bad as I am.

You see, both of us will fall on our asses, run into walls, and conk ourselves on the heads with door frames, in order to avoid stepping on any part of a cat that may suddenly find itself under foot. Additionally, when there are slow-moving cats in front of us while we walk through the house, we step around or over them, and if a cat should cut us off at one of the many intersections to be found in this strange floor plan, we do the giant step of doom over the furry obstacle. In other words, our cats have never accidentally been flung a few feet ahead when they jumped in front of a moving foot, and they have never had a tail or paw stepped on. Not once. They have never found themselves on the receiving end of a foot to the head because they decided to jump out from behind the door as someone was passing by. No, Lin and I have Cat Radar, and so the precious darlings have been living with an invisible forcefield of Protection from Human Feet (5′ radius).

I’m not advocating intentionally stepping on or smacking cats, but just like toddlers of the human variety who have to learn the stove is hot and falling down hurts, cat babies need to learn about the inherent danger of, say, jumping or running between moving human feet, especially in a dark hallway.

The amazing acrobatics the humans in this household have learned, in order to avoid any potential cat damage of the physical or mental sort, all started due to the small size of these two little brats and how easily one small grey fur-ball and one small black fur-ball could blend into dark corners leaving them in danger of being kicked or squashed. Good kitty parenting really, since our house is somewhat dark and is often cluttered. But … they aren’t so tiny and easily damaged anymore. Well, physically damaged, anyway. Some of the spectacular acrobatic failures I have seen them perform leaves me believing Ronin and Myu may be physically indestructible.

The problem we now face is two almost full-sized cats, lacking all understanding that humans moving from one place to another can be dangerous, who are constantly underfoot. In fact, as soon as I get out of a chair or off the bed, they will come running to get directly underfoot. Ronin will begin walking 6 inches in front of my foremost foot, and he walks as slowly as he possibly can and still be considered to be moving. Meanwhile, Myu will run up from behind and bodily throw herself to the floor with a loud thunk, stretch herself out as long as she can, and roll over on her back right directly under whichever foot is currently in mid-air. It’s a one-two punch, and I swear they must practice the maneuver when we aren’t at home. It is that well orchestrated.

I am getting damn tired of sporting bruises and bangs in order to avoid either cat realizing that getting underfoot is a bad thing and can lead to unintended circumstances … like getting slid across the floor or getting a tail somewhat stepped on. I am getting really tired of it.

Not that there has been another Orb’s Head Meets Bathroom Door Frame incident, but I was thinking about it as I performed the fancy steps and twists required to avoid flinging a cat down the dark hall with my foot. One of these days, I am going to kill myself trying to avoid stepping on cats, and it’s my own damn fault. Why? Well in addition to installing a Cat Radar, so I always know exactly where they are and what direction and speed they are moving, thereby avoiding any contact that might be annoying or painful for the cats, I have consistently stopped moving when they pulled their one-two punch and given both of them love and attention in the form of belly rubs and ear scratches. Yes, I have been giving positive reinforcement for their underfoot behavior.

Well, they are so damn cute, I can’t help myself. Really, really cute and adorable. I am incapable of resisting the urge to rub Myu’s belly when she insists on rolling over right in front of me, squirming around, and mewing like a kitten, and Ronin is just so adorable with his giant-sized eyes and fat cheeks, I have to rub his ears … and heaven knows I can’t love on one without dishing out equal love on the other. It wouldn’t be fair!

My new plan is to be completely aware of where they are, keep my Cat Radar fully functional, but completely ignore their existence when they are underfoot, no matter how much cute kitty behavior they pour on. If the opportunity to allow them to experience a slight foot-on-cat or cat-on-foot experience under controlled conditions arises, I will avail myself of it … meaning if the cat is less likely to be seriously injured in any way other than potentially feeling pain or surprise for a brief moment than it is likely I am to smash into something or fall and feel extended pain for a significant period of time, I will vote for fewer bruises and bangs for me. I’m also going to just walk to where I want to go at the speed I want move in and not defer to the speed of whichever cat has decided to walk a step in front of me. Maybe they will learn not to be underfoot.

Of course, you know my new plan to let the cats experience the dangers of the human foot is only going to last until I get up from the computer, walk into the kitchen for more ice water, and find myself with two sweet, adorable, lovable kittens underfoot, don’t you? Because how can one resist giving into their every demand for affection?! They are JUST TOO CUTE!

One of these days, I am going to kill myself or suffer some other miserable fate due to stepping, jumping, lunging, and veering around a cat (or two) in a dark hallway. Mark my words. I don’t think I can ratchet down my Cat Radar. I am doomed to doing carefully choreographed acrobatics (with a few surprised thrown in from time to time) on every trip to and from the bathroom to avoid negative contact with a cat … for the rest of my natural life. All I can say is that I am thankful our furry lords and masters allow us to live in their house and serve them. We are not worthy.

Behind the cut, the obligatory photo of a cat as my lords and masters demand.
Continue Reading »