Over the last few days, the kittens had lulled me into a secure state of well-being about their mental stability. “They are such wonderful kitties,” I exclaimed. “They have finally calmed down, and now they are the best kitties on the planet!” For almost an entire week, they barely got underfoot, didn’t tear around the house once like maniacal hellions, and they were affectionate and well-behaved. Yes, my kittens were model kittens for an entire five days.

This morning at approximately 8 am, it became clear to me this good behavior was all part of an evil kitten plot to lull me into a state of quasi-bliss, and then lose their minds on a scale previously unknown since they came to live with us. I imagine the conversation between them early this morning went something like this:

“Today is the day, Myu. Mommy was up late last night, so she’s going to be tired, and after she makes the awful grinding noise in the kitchen this morning, she will go back to bed. We have done an excellent job of convincing her we aren’t the wild monsters we’d been previously. She will never expect the Kitten Inquisition!”

“And we strike as soon as he is back in bed, right?”

“Yes, that’s when we strike. You run around the house and knock down all the chairs and anything you can reach on a shelf. Meanwhile, I will begin an all-out assault on the bedroom closet door.”

“What do we do once she gets out of bed and grabs the Water Bottle of Doom?! You know she will!”

“Just run around the house as fast as you can leaping from furniture and skidding around corners. You know she can’t catch us when we run as fast as we can! Be sure to meow loudly while doing so, and take a moment now and then to shred anything prone to ripping and tearing and claw at any closed door. That way, even if she locks herself in the bedroom, she can’t help but hear our attack.”

“It’s an excellent plan, Ronin. You are my hero! Let’s go!”

Yes, that’s how I imagine their conversation went right before they both lost their little walnut-sized minds and started bouncing off the walls.

An hour and a half of flying, meowing kittens tearing around the house and destroying anything in sight has definitely slapped any ideas that I have normal kitties right out of my head. No, these kitties are completely mental … and devious. Even Ronin was making loud vocalizations this morning while storming around trying to literally climb the walls, though I would hardly call them meows. More like grunts, really … and damn can Myu belt one out when she wants to!

They seem to have worn themselves out now, so I may attempt to go back to bed. I was up late last night. I am tired. I think Lin and I may be going to a concert at Shady Grove this evening, and I’d like to not look and feel like death frozen over. Here’s hoping the brats decide to let me get a few more hours of sleep.

Nope. Not happening yet. No sleep for the weary Orb. The kittens have now entered the quiet destruction stage of their plan that involved slinking around silently and chewing things. Ugh. Where’s the Water Bottle of Doom?!