I started a post at 5 am when I woke up. It’s almost four hours later, and I just saved it as a draft. Of course, I wasn’t just sitting here babbling the whole time, since there was all the usual morning stuff to do, but still, it got long. Too long. Too long and winding. I digressed often. Some good stuff written, but I have to go through it and do some editing before it is worth posting.

The original topic of the post was how the weather is going to be super nasty today, and we are out of milk, bread and cat food. I was bemoaning the fact I was going to have to go to some store somewhere to get these things. Somehow that morphed into a discussion of my current obsession with yoga, which then morphed into a discussion about life, the universe and everything. I’ll get back to all that at some other time, because I think I have something important to say. I’m just not sure what that something is at the moment, and it’s all wrapped up in a bunch of train-of-thought babbling. My thoughts need some sorting.

I’m in a weird mood today. Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s the fact that even though I went to bed at 11 pm and got six good hours of sleep, I am so tired I can barely move. Maybe it’s the yoga. There’s a bunch of stuff going on in my head, but like some program running in the background that I can’t access, I really don’t have any idea what that stuff is. I guess it will reveal itself to me when it’s ready … or when I am ready. It’s the sort of thing that always leaves me feeling somewhat peevish and out of sorts, and that’s exactly how I feel today.

Before I go eat my Chef Boy Ardee ravioli breakfast … nutrition at its finest, don’t you agree … I do want to tell you about a conversation I had with Lin this morning. While he was getting dressed, he asked me what I was typing so feverishly. I told him he wouldn’t be interested, because I was writing about god. He then surprised me and was interested, and we had a nice conversation about beliefs after which I did not feel like I’d been made fun off or put down like I usually do. Living with a raging atheist isn’t easy when one isn’t also a raging atheist. It was nice being able to use the G-word around him without visibly seeing him shudder. Maybe it’s finally getting through to him that when I use the G-word, it doesn’t mean the same thing as when someone who is Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or whatever uses it. It’s merely shorthand for something I can’t quite describe yet … though I am getting very close to being able to do so … an easy way to sum up the concept of there being something else out there bigger than everything else in existence. It’d be nice if Lin and I could discuss such things without anyone having to be right or someone walking away feeling badly. I know he thinks about such things. I’d like to hear his thoughts on these kinds of topics, but I don’t want to be converted, you know? We may not ever walk the same path, but we should still be able to share our adventure stories.

I am getting perilously close to digressing and babbling again about everything bouncing around in my head. I better shut up now.

In closing, one bit from the post I wrote this morning and saved as a draft … the one really important thing I think I want to share today:

If I had to put it into words, I’d say say my desire to do yoga (all the freaking time) feels the way some people describe yearning for God. I have never felt a yearning for God. Yearning to understand life, the universe and everything? Yes. God specifically? No. I chalk that up as a side effect of never having felt separated from God.

Now to eat my ravioli and get ready to run to Walgreens for those few needed life essentials. Then I think I am calling it the weekend early. I’m peevish, pooped, and hormonal. That is never a good combination. Here’s hoping the storms keep Annoying Boy off my porch today, because the combination of moods I am in could possibly be lethal to anyone ringing my doorbell for five full minutes.