Here is a perfect example of Microsoft lunacy:

My mother runs Windows 98 SE. She has since she bought her Gateway computer. Her computer is currently running OK with the install from the CD. Problem is I can’t update Windows at all. I can’t even install DirectX so she can play her games (which all seem to require it). Do you want to know why?

In order to download DirectX, or apparently to get any downloads for any Windows OS from Microsoft, you have to download something called Windows Genuine Advantage, a small executable which determines whether or not your version of Windows is “genuine” or not. While I can assure you that my mother’s copy of Windows 98SE is 100% “genuine” with a “genuine” manual and a “genuine” serial number, acquired from Gateway at the time she purchased her computer, because I insisted she also get a Win98SE CD or we wouldn’t buy the computer (Gateway relented after some pressure). It’s NOT some strange OEM install from who knows what sort of recovery disk, nor is it a pirated copy, unless Gateway is into piracy. Alas, the silly little programs that Microsoft wanted me to run (there are two methods to verify your Windows install) both agree that my mother’s Windows 98 is not, in fact, “genuine” and therefore, she cannot have any updates or downloads from Microsoft.

It was simply the silliest thing I had ever seen. Silly and crazy. They offer no other way to “verify” you deserve to be allowed to download anything, including DirectX. If those little executables say you don’t get to update Windows, because they say you have an illegal copy, you just don’t get to update Windows.

That was the moment for me when I decided that even if we had to buy the Mac Mini for my mom, she was never again going to own anything with the Microsoft label on it. This “verification” of how “genuine” your OS is isn’t going to get better with Windows Vista. In fact, from what I hear, it’s going to be worse about it … meaning Bill Gates might as well be sitting on your desk and saying “yes” or “no” himself. Oh sure, your new Vista system may work perfectly for a month, a year, a few years, but at some point, how do you know something isn’t going to screw up and suddenly, your copy of software, that you paid good money for, may decided FOR ITSELF that it isn’t genuine? You don’t. Windows, all versions, screw up from time to time, and we all know that.

My mom was still unsure about switching to Apple, but my point about having to learn just as much new stuff on a Vista machine as she would on an Apple, sold her. I’m glad it did, because she really didn’t have any choice about it. It’s always better when you give people a chance to agree with your dictatorial edicts though, isn’t it. Almost makes it seem like their idea that way. Fact is, I was not kidding when I told her she was going to be on her own with Vista. I have no desire at all to learn anything at all to do with Vista or any other Microsoft software. I’m not going to be able to fix anything that might go wrong with it. So, it’s Mac or nothing for my mom. I am now more than officially done with the creature Bill Gates created.

It just really pissed me off today that I couldn’t even download DirectX. I mean, you used to be able to download it anywhere, for free, no need to prove anything to anyone. Now you’d think it was made of gold and more precious that Gates’ farts. Oh sure, I probably could have called Microsoft, jumped through some hoops, done a little song and dance, been treated like crap by some phone jockey, and they may (or may not) have helped us solve our problem, but I doubt it. After all, they don’t support Windows 98 anymore, even though there are still a lot of computers out there running it.

Though it will do no good at all, I am going to write up a nasty email explaining exactly what happened any my solution to the situation of deciding not to buy new Vista computer (or any Windows computer of any ilk) and send it to a few choice email addresses at Microsoft. If nothing else, it will make me feel better.

And once my mom is on a Mac, I have the feeling my life will get SO much easier … no more daily hour long tech-fests on the phone. Once I set up her computer for her, she won’t be able to screw it up and it won’t be screwing up on its own. It will be pure heaven, and Microsoft isn’t invited to the party.

Absolutely nothing eventful at all happened during my 160+ mile trek in the truck today. Actually, I should say that to the naked eye of any bystanders, nothing eventful happened. I, of course, was having one long panic attack the whole time, especially when confronted by things like stop signs or red lights. I was much better on the trip home, until it got dark outside. I hate driving at night no matter what vehicle I happen to be in.

The most eventful thing of the whole day was rolling into my hometown to find streets blocked off for a big parade/party/grand reopening for the Nimitz Center. Had my mother mentioned the town was going to be a nut house today, I would have gone yesterday. The traffic was worse there than in Austin, and there were brainless tourists wandering around everywhere not paying any attention at all to the walk/don’t walk signs. Just ’cause there’s a party going on doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay attention to where (and when) you are walking!!

Also, don’t ask about how many tries it took me to get backed out of my mother’s driveway either. Ugh. I’m glad no one I know was watching.

You want to know what Lin did while I was gone? The bastard went to IKEA without me!!!! ARGH!!!! How dare he?! Since he found a totally awesome TV stand for about $50, and he’s now going on about all the great things one can get at IKEA for really great prices, I won’t be too angry with him. I told him so, but NOOOO, can’t listen to me when I say we need to go to IKEA because we could actually afford to buy the furniture there.

The secret admission for the day? The truck is actually fun to drive. Quite peppy, and when I stopped at gas stations to buy sodas, all the Texas boys were hitting on me. Apparently, a small girl driving a largish truck is something of an attraction. Boys are silly. I still need to get used to where things are in the truck and improve my shifting skills, but I think I’m going to like driving it just fine once I am more confident behind the wheel. I can’t wait to go grocery shopping ALONE later this week.

Oh, the rest of the day? Nothing can be done about my mother’s computer. It’s just freaking old and outdated. I have finally convinced her to switch to a Mac, and so next month, she’ll be getting a Mac Mini … and a new printer. The final selling point on getting her to switch to a Mac? I pointed out to her that upgrading from Windows 98 to Vista was going to entail learning just as much new stuff and be just as different for her as switching to OS X, and at least I can help her with a Mac. I will not be learning anything at all about Vista, so she’d be totally on her own with it. Score one for the Orbster!!! She created an Apple convert!

I have to go watch Lin put together the TV stand, and then I want to watch my TV shows, and then … bed. I am beat. Maintaining a death grip on a steering wheel for several hours in one day can really take it out of you.

Ugh. I wanted to leave for Mom’s earlier than this, but first I hit the snooze one too many times, and then Lin decided he wanted to do something to the truck first. So even when he isn’t going with me, he’s making me late. Mom, of course, is whining, because I won’t have any time to spend at her house. I guess 8 hours just isn’t enough. Also, she is now insisting I spend the night. It’s just not happening. I’m getting pretty sick of people assuming I have no life of my own to live just because I don’t have a job I have to go to every day, but that pretty much seems to be the assumption of most of my family members. Hey, I still have to get up in the mornings and I still have things I have to do every day. I am not really a woman of leisure.

Lin seems to be making some progress toward doing whatever it is he is planning to do to the truck. I guess I’ll go get my stuff together so as soon as he is done I can get into it and attempt to drive away. I will admit to you, I am freaking out about the drive today. I’d really rather not go, but there’s no way out of it now. Do or die, as they say.

It may sound silly, but send some good vibes my way and pray I make it from point A to point B and back again while remembering how to drive a largish truck with a stick shift … and that my head doesn’t explode from the stress.

I started working on the first sock tonight. I found this pattern (Lacy Mock Cable Socks) and thought it was cute and far better than doing stockinette stitch round and round and round forever. I think it’s going to look neat when it’s done, and then I’ll have to try to match the starting point on the yarn do the striping matches at least a little. I decided to knit them on double pointed needles rather than trying to learn how to do socks on circulars. It just seemed too confusing, and I actually like working with DPNs.

I have this to say: Size 2 needles are very small.

The breakfast buffet at Trudy’s is now about 95% things I can’t eat due to high jalapeño content. I realize it’s a TexMex restaurant, but still … does everything have to have hot peppers in it or hot sauce poured over it?! All the same, I managed to find enough breakfast-type foods to stuff myself into a coma, so I am not really complaining (too much).

Here’s a photo of the thugs I spent my day with:

For those who might not know, that’s Kenny on the left and Lin on the right.

I managed to get Lin to stop at Hobby Lobby for a quick trip in to get those needles I needed, so tonight, I might start knitting some socks. Right now though, I think a little nap is in order.

Speaking of being hungry, dinner last night turned out great. I made baked Talapia with Asparagus and a nice big garden salad. Mmm … yummy!

Kenny and Lin are worshiping at the feet of the new TV. Even worse, they are watching the 30th anniversary Rush concert (filmed in Germany — in Hi-Def) that we recorded last night, so they are on worshiping overload at the moment. One of their favorite bands on a giant TV. I swear, it’s just like the scene in 2001 when the black monolith shows up in the midst of the monkeys.

The kittens may never be allowed into the bedroom again. When Lin went to bed last night, he let them in. Two seconds later, they were clawing at the closet door. He threw them out and closed the door. When I went to bed, I let them in. Two seconds later they were clawing at the bedroom door. I threw them out and closed the door. This morning, because they were whining at the closed door, I let them in again. Once again … clawing at closet door followed by instantaneous removal from the room. They just won’t give up on it, even though the duct tape is doing it’s job and they can’t open it anymore. Hissing, spraying water, shaking a tin can with pennies in it, nothing stops them. They are driven to attack the closet door. I don’t know what has gotten into them the last few days.

It sucked not having kitties on the bed with us last night, but I’m not going to get any sleep if they are clawing around on a mirrored door all night long anyway. Clawing and mewing in frustration. Very noisy. Very annoying.

The three of us are going to Trudy’s for the breakfast buffet. I don’t really feel like hanging out with the guys today, but I don’t want to miss out on a hearty breakfast that I don’t have to cook or pay for. I guess I’ll take a book and ignore them when we are done eating. Or maybe some knitting. Or maybe I’ll just sit and people-watch while drinking my Mimosas.

Sometime today I am hoping to get over to the craft store to get those knitting needles I need for the socks I am going to make. I might put it off until Monday since I have a lot of other errands to run that day too. Since it looks like I will be going to Mom’s alone tomorrow, by Monday, I should be quite comfortable with driving the truck … or I will be the cause of some multi-car pile-up on the highway and won’t have to worry about running errands. I’m sure I’ll do fine with the driving, but I haven’t driven anything anywhere for months now, and the truck freaks me out. I have to get used to driving it though. I nice long drive to Mom’s house might be just the thing to get me headed on that path. Still, I wish Lin was driving me there. I don’t really like going to Mom’s alone. Never goes all that well, and it’s almost impossible to get out of the house and on my way home … since Mom thinks all I do is sit around all day and don’t have any reason at all to need to be home.

I better go peel the boys’ noses off the TV and get them moving in the direction of the truck. The buffet doesn’t go on all day, and I am looking forward to stuffing my face with a heart attack inducing amount of crispy fried bacon. I’m hungry!

That used to be a hank of yarn. I just found it in the hall. No kittens to be found anywhere. At the other end of the hall, on my way to the bedroom, I found another one just like it. I entered the bedroom where I found yet one more woolly pile of knotted up yarn as well as a small ball of yarn that had been run around the bed, over the bed, and through all the legs of the chest of drawers. I turn to look at the closet, and there was yet one more large hank of yarn in utter ruin. Still no kittens to be found anywhere.

After verifying that the little brats weren’t in the closet, I taped it shut with duct tape. Yes, my bedroom closet is now secured with duct tape. How very chic, yes? Additionally, the kittens have lost all bedroom privileges. I don’t even want them in there while we are asleep. The mess they have made of my yarn stash, which they had to chew through two thick plastic bags to get to (at the bottom of the closet under a bunch of other stuff), well … it’s going to take weeks of work to undo. Straightening it out better be possible or the kittens may find themselves living in little gilded cages on a shelf. I am only half kidding.

They have seriously been out of control today. The worst day yet. Naturally, now that they can’t get into the bedroom, Ronin is sitting on my foot and licking my shoe making his “I’m so adorable” noises, and Myu is rolling around beside my chair trying to get my attention by being cuter than cute. Not going to work. Mommy is pissed off. The first time they did this to one hank, it was sort of cute. It’s not cute anymore, so I’m going to ignore them for the rest of the night and sleep in a cat-free bed tonight too. I don’t care how much that upsets their little kitty schedules. I have, quite simply, had enough of it … since 5:30 this morning.

The real kicker? They didn’t make this mess while we were gone. I checked the bedroom when we got back, and all was in order. No, they waited until Lin left again, and then they did it, and they were just a few feet away while doing it so quietly I didn’t even hear them. Sneaky bastards!

I guess I will remove the kitten attached to my shoe and go start dinner, and there better be no kitten misbehavior for the rest of the night or they will find themselves spending the night in the TV box. It’s still out in the truck bed, and I would have no problem bringing it in to use as an enclosure for kittens who don’t know when to chill out.

Back from the DMV. In about three weeks I will see how awful the photo turned out.

Oh, and I am now officially one inch shorter and blind as a bat according to my state government.

Still grumpy too. The DMV didn’t help with my mood at all, as you can imagine … though the lady at the counter was super sweet. Her daughter and I share a first name. How weird!

The kitties started being a royal pain in my butt at 5:30 am, and I do mean a ROYAL pain. I was trying to sleep, and they were just into everything! For about two hours, after Lin left for work, they just kept getting into the bedroom closet. I would shake the Water Bottle of Doom, and they would run away. Finally I started using the Water Bottle of Doom, and they just casually sauntered away while getting hosed down. So then there were soaking wet cats trying to get into the closet. The Cuteness Factor wasn’t working with me this morning either. They know the things they aren’t supposed to do. I can see it in their eyes when I come around the corner and glare at them. Today, it hasn’t been stopping them from doing any of those things. Just … into … everything.

At one point, after time outs in the bathroom or being locked out of the bedroom wasn’t making them chill out, I finally grabbed the cat carrier, stuffed them both into it, set it on the bed and laid there glaring at them. They lost their little minds, and it took them a good fifteen minutes to calm down. I didn’t let them out until they were sitting calmly. That seemed to work. Locking them in one of the two rooms with doors doesn’t work anymore. They just get into things in that room and tear stuff up. I am so glad they are sleeping now.

I’m sure the neighbors were wondering what was going on over here, because at one point I was actually shouting at them while chasing them around the house and hissing loudly. I finally found a hissing sound they react to, but I have to do it loudly … very LOUDLY. Ugh. It works. They hiss back a bit and then take the submissive position and sit quietly. Yes, I have been expressing MY dominance today.

At least they aren’t completely mental human teenagers. You can’t stuff human teens into a cat carrier when you have had enough of them acting out. Seriously, sometimes I swear they are completely mental.

In other news, I forgot we were supposed to go to my mom’s this weekend, and I don’t really feel like going. Oh sure, supposedly it’s to celebrate my birthday, but in reality all I will be doing is working on her printer and computer, and that’s going to be an all-day job. So it’s not really going to be about my birthday, and it certainly isn’t going to be relaxing.

To top it off, all my mom wants to talk about these days is Anna Nicole Smith. I have been purposely avoiding keeping up with any of that. I don’t really care about the lurid events surrounding Anna’s life and death any more than I would want to know all the dirty details of my crazy neighbors’ lives. Let it the hell GO already! Would my mom think it interesting if every aspect of her life and death, or Daddy’s, were playing on a continual loop on Fox News?! Aren’t there better things to get that worked up about going on right now? So on top of spending Sunday working on computer stuff instead of relaxing, I’ll probably hear “Anna this” and “Stern that” all day as well. Oh, the joy.

The weather is yucky this afternoon, and I have a terrible headache, especially after an hour of listening to my mom go on about Anna Nicole. Now I am just grumpy and annoyed with Mom and Lin (he was an idiot earlier). I guess I should go thaw something for dinner tonight and go watch the shows I recorded this morning. Hopefully my mood will improve. All I know is right now I am so peeved with my husband, kittens and my mom, all I want to do is break something. Maybe I should take one of the bottles out of the trash, put it in a few bags, and smash it in the driveway. Hey, we have a Crazy Broom Woman in the neighborhood, and an Annoying Boy. Maybe what we need is Crazy Broken Bottle Woman too.

And now Lin calls to say he is finally taking me to the DMV. Great. I look like hell today. What a great photo that is going to be. I don’t even care. I just want my license renewed so I can go grocery shopping with the truck. Dammit. Some Friday this has turned out to be. More like a Monday really, and we all now how much I hate Mondays.