Those of you who keep beer mugs in the freezer, go right now and verify none of them are in positions from which they may move by themselves and bludgeon you on the head. Heed my warning.

Last night I was taking a bag of seasoned french fries out of the bottom of the freezer, when suddenly and with not even so much as a sound of warning, I was beaned on the head by a very heavy bar-type beer mug which had somehow mysteriously removed itself from the top shelf in the freezer. You know the big ones with the heavy bottoms? Yeah, one of those. Then, the girl who almost never cries due to physical pain, grasped her head, dropped to the floor and wept … but not until an extremely unladylike stream of expletives escaped my lips. Who knew I know more than two curse words?!

Lin didn’t make the trip to the kitchen to determine my physical state until he heard the weeping and wailing. Apparently the sounds of me cursing loudly from the kitchen is a common event in his eyes. I swear … I only swear when I burn the toast, which is never my fault, by the way. Our toaster sucks. It was made in the 70’s. Anyway, after making sure I was breathing, able to think somewhat rationally, and there wasn’t any blood to be found anywhere, he returned to his TV show, and I returned to weeping and making french fries.

While the initial pain of being bludgeoned by a beer mug was horrendous, mostly due to the unexpectedness of it (and the weight of these particular mugs), the on-going agony caused by the lump left on my head is going to drive me even more insane than I already am. Holy hell! I thought when I woke up today, it wouldn’t hurt quite so badly, but I was mistaken. It still hurts BADLY. I don’t have any other symptoms of a concussion, so I guess I’m not going to end up brain damaged … but still … OW OW OW! I shouldn’t be so surprised it still hurts, seeing as this large mass of heavy glass fell at least three feet before striking my skull. It had some good momentum built up. Good thing I have a thick brain protector huh?

Remember folks, I have these grand adventures and face these perilous events so you don’t have to. Rather than having to be bashed in the head with a stray beer mug, you can learn from my mistakes. Go … GO NOW … and make sure any large heavy beer mugs you may have in the freezer aren’t going to bash you in the head the next time you get out the french fries.