Middle school girl gives classmate a piece of Jolt gum … with evil caffeine in it … and proceeds to get a three day suspension. Why?

Palermo described the gum as “a stimulant that has no other redeeming quality.” For that reason, the gum — and caffeine, in general — is considered a rogue substance at the middle school.

Oh yes, it’s a “rogue substance” and totally verboten … unless your mom packs it in your lunch or you happen to be on the school staff.

When asked if there would be consequences for a student who brings a soft drink to school in a packed lunch, Palermo said school officials can’t control what parents put in their children’s lunches.

Teachers, faculty and staff are permitted to consume caffeine during the school day. Palermo said employees aren’t subject to the same disciplinary guidelines as students.

So I’m wondering, if I was a student there, and my mom packed a thermos of rum and coke with my lunch, would that be OK too? How about a big fat joint?

Talk about massive double standards. No caffeine, unless it arrives in school in a lunch box or you’re an “adult”.