I grew up thinking feminism was about women being treated fairly and equally to men in all ways and women being able to decide for themselves what they wanted to do with their lives … they could get an education, take on a career, or raise a family. Yet again I am reminded by nameless and faceless people on the internet that choosing to be a housewife or stay-at-home-mom is in some way anti-feminism and sets back their supposed fight for equality. I want to know why.

Were women fighting for the right of self-determination? Wasn’t that what feminism was supposed to be all about … women not being forced into roles they didn’t choose for themselves? But now, choosing not to enter the rat-race of the workplace is seen as the antithesis of feminism. It’s as though any choice a woman makes about her own life isn’t the right one unless it goes directly against the grain of more traditional women’s roles. How is forcing women to choose to leave the home and work for a paycheck any less wrong than forcing women to stay at home and be housewives? It’s still some exterior “other” deciding what is right for all women rather than letting women sort it out for themselves on a case-by-case basis.

I have had a career. I was ill suited for it, didn’t enjoy it, and looked forward to the day I could put it behind me. I decided one day to simply stop having a career and to focus on my home and family, as well as my own personal interests. My husband didn’t tell me I couldn’t work, that I had to stay home and care for him and the household. In fact, he had little to no input in my final decision at all, much to his aggravation. Additionally, he has never told me that I had to go out and get a job, that I must bring in an income. The decision is mine and always has been. That gives me a great deal of power over my own life, doesn’t it … and isn’t that what feminism set out to do?

Yet every so often I run across a bunch of people who seem to feel that any woman choosing not to join the workforce and to stay at home and concern themselves with more traditional female roles are setting back feminism and doing damage to their more career-oriented sisters. It makes me both ill and angry. My choice is just as valid as theirs. The choice of every woman who chooses to focus their energies on their household and family is just as valid as the choice of every woman who chooses not to do so. For any “feminist” to say otherwise makes them just as bad as the “man” that used to insist that women should be in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant. The only difference between the two viewpoints is that these so-called feminists are insisting that women should be in the boardroom wearing high heels and fertility-free when perhaps that isn’t what the woman in question actually prefers.